A BLF - Regular!

 

“Bigger, Bolder and livelier” is how author Shoba De described this year’s Bangalore Literature festival, with its 11^th edition that was held last weekend at the grounds of Hotel Lalith Ashok. To borrow from Suresh Menon’s words, a literature festival makes reading a community event and what a shared celebration of reading and books it was!  Spread across two days over four different stages (named after the Late Puneeth Rajkumar’s movies),  with diverse topics ranging from Pico Iyer’s reflections to Manu’s Joseph’s zero hour styled “as me anything” , from Kabir Bedi’s memoir to Veerappa Moily’s autobiography, from the exhuberent and inimitable Jerry Pinto to the gentle and understated Jahnavi Barua, from a beautiful rendition and translation of the Shankaracharya’s “Soundarya Lahiri” to a discussion on Bhuta worship in Dakshina Kannada, from the impassioned speech of  festival regulars like Ramachandra Guha to the recently emerging author/thinkers like engineer turned advocate K Sai Deepak,  from VVS Laxman’s batting to Sunil Chhetri’s footballing journey, from bringing alive Kannada epics in “Gamaka” to celebrating minor languages in Karnataka in ‘Hosa Baraha”, from finding empowerment in fandom in Shrayana Bhattacharya’s refreshing “Desperately seeking Shahrukh Khan” to being enthralled by the Kannada superstar  Ramesh Arvind’s success mantras, it was indeed an intellectual extravaganza for bibliophiles, literary and cultural enthusiasts in the city.  

Not to forget, the Children’s Literature festival making its reappearance after a hiatus of  two years with  two stages, “Malgudi” and “Seonee” engaging both the young ones and the tweens and the teens.   We have been BLF regulars as a family for the last ten years, and our experience so far is best represented in my older one’s journey from attending Rohini Nilekani’s Sringeri Srinivas story time at the very first edition in 2012 to sitting through gripped by the heart-wrenching tale of Dr. Kafil Khan on his book “Gorakhpur hospital tragedy”! Of course….we couldn’t be any more pleased as Abhay  marked out sessions he wanted to attend on his own (without his overbearing mom around!) or as he went up to ask questions after the session or  as he lined up in queue to get the books signed by authors while interacting with them! In a way it has been a coming of age of sorts for Abhay as he graduates from being a  “CLF” regular to a “BLF” enthusiast!

 

Besides BLF stage hopping, Abhay also played chaperone to his little sister at some events at CLF on the second day, allowing us take a break from our role as parents! Our program schedule leaflet resembled an amusement park map, reflecting a rough strategy to be able to make it to each of our marked-out sessions  while ensuring that Aadya was supervised at her parallel sessions running at CLF….  like Abhay was to finish a session with Anubhav Sinha and Jerry Pinto  on “Book of Dog’  at  “Yuvaratna” stage  and head over to “Malgudi” to take care of his sister for a drawing session with Labonie Roy, so that my husband could tune into a “Gamaka” session with Gangamma Keshavamurthy and Shantha Nagamangala at “Raajakumara” stage and I could catch Shrayana Bhattacharya’s session at “Yuvaratna” just to sprint back to CLF so that ABhay could walk back to  “Gandhada Gudi” stage for Sunil Chhetri’s session “Awakening the Blue Tiger”! !  😊

 

While Aadya missed out on the first day of CLF, she had plenty to look forward to on the second day- from a DIY session on making one’s own string instrument with Krithika Sreenivasan from the Indian music Experience (IME) to witnessing a culinary show based on recipes inspired from children’s books by Ranjani Rao and Ruchira Ramanujam from their book “Bookworms and Jellybellies”, from story-time by Priyanka Agarwal   to a session with Bijal Vachharanjani and Rajiv Eipe’s hook book titled “Kitten Trouble”,    finally ending the day with a fun filled show by India’s only woman ventriloquist Indushree Raveendra.

 

One of the books we picked up was by Honey Irani “Shakya’s little secret” brought out by Om publications along with another book “Akira Shakya and the Grouchy owl”, which was launched by the author herself with her son Farhan Aktar joining in at the BLF. Though Aadya couldn’t attend one of her sessions on ‘Living with nature” , her older brother managed to grab a copy earlier in the day, and stood in queue to have it signed!  

 A tad long for a picture book, Honey Irani weaves two wonderful stories around her grandchildren Akira and Shakya that make for a delightful read.  Little Shakya is down with severe cough and as her parents frantically try to seek help, guess who comes to her rescue? The birds, bees, bugs and the plants outside her window!  Honey Irani’s engaging narrative brings out various anthropomorphic characters and their idiosyncrasies,  from empathetic Simi the parrot and her eager friend Penny the Pigeon, from  her Royal Highness Queen Bee to her reluctantly obedient subject Fizzy-Wizzy-Bizzy bee, from the helpful Tulsi plant to the ever wise Lore, the owl, and the story is about how they all come together not only to cure little Shakya of her cough but also enable her to have a super-human experience that she can she can cherish all her life, inspiring in her a life long true love for nature!   A unique storyline with an important message of being one with nature, and Aadya loved it and was thrilled to see the book signed out for her – with a lovely message – "Book is you best friend, done let it go!"  A an apt message for all the kids and adult alike …don’t you think? Until the next BLF……!!

 

 

Mother's day in lockdown 2.0

Just as we had begun to let our guard down in the assumption of a safer and pandemic-free 2021, it seems like we are back to square one again, with the onset of a deadly second wave of the Covid-19 pandemic. Apart from the concerns of health and safety, every day we are confronted with doomsday-spelling local television channels, horror stories of suffering and the difficulty in finding hospital beds or shocking casualties on account of shortage of oxygen, and countless WhatsApp forwards by self-anointed gurus and life coaches on “what to do and what not to do” during what now seems like a time-warp, with a repeat of the 2020 lockdown era! Amidst all the surrounding doom and being surrounded by the constant fear of falling sick, while being confined indoors with continuous domestic responsibilities, this may hardly be a time a to celebrate Mother’s day…right? 

In fact, it didn’t occur to me until I saw our favourite Independent Book store, Funky Rainbow's FB post on the upcoming “Saturday morning live” Buzzaar with Mother’s day theme, titled “Mum’s the word”! Having moved to my parents’ farm in Dharmasthala over two weeks ago, I got to watch the weekly book recommendations revolving around mothers at the Book Buzzaar with my mother on the eve of mother’s day, and this was indeed special. As is the norm, the second half of Book Buzzaar featured a chat with Dr. Tanu Shree Singh, author, psychology professor, founder of FB group Reading Raccoons, a bibliophile who owns and supports many libraries in Faridabad and Himachal Pradesh (How we would love to visit a library in the hills!) Dr. Tanu Shree Singh drew out words of wisdom from her experience and her book “Keep calm and Mommy on” which was felt like a soothing balm on the harried and hassled minds of mothers who are trying hard to keep it together and retain their sanity especially in these troubled times, and frankly, we couldn’t have asked for a better mothers’ day present! There were a lot of takeaways from the interesting conversation between the unstoppable Vidya Mani of Funky Rainbow who is fondly known as Editoramma and Dr Tanu Shree Singh who was spoke from her professional and personal experience as a mother of two, including how it is impossible and unreal to live up to the expectation of a “supermom” and not to stress too much on excelling as parents as it is an evolving journey with its own highs and lows, laughs and cries, and the key being keeping the line of communication open. No matter what, its never too late to sit back, reset and reboot….and to mommy on..! 

Its also true that we end up empathising with our mothers a lot more than before after having becomes moms ourselves. There may have been times during my own turbulent teen years, (which I swear, was nothing compared to what I am going through now with my teenage son) when I’d sworn never to follow my mom on certain irritant aspects of her parenting approach, only to realise that I have unknowingly turned into my mom on those very aspects! So no matter how old you are…..moms always get to say with glee “I told you so!” 😊 

This year’s mother’s day has been special in the sense that I have been able to spend quality time with her in her unhurried world of nature walks, gardening, reading, online shopping, chanting of shlokas in the evening and of course dishing out delicious ‘oota from our thota” not only for our brood but also for our large farm family (including our farm workers!) Thank you amma for having us over!

On the occasion of Mother’s day, amongst various recommendations from Funky Rainbow, we read “A Saree for Ammi” a Tulika publication by Mamta Nainy and pictures by Sandhya Prabhat. As always, Tulika brings wonderfully nuanced stories from various corners of India showcasing the unique cultural milieu of the place and it people brought out in the story and its characters. This vibrantly illustrated Tulika story comes from a family of weavers in Kota, Rajasthan. Narrated in first person, a little girl watches her mother weave the most beautiful sarees and sell them in the local haat (marketplace) but never don any of them and decides to find out why. The innocent little girl that she is, she is left puzzled with her mother’s reply “If we keep sarees, how will we eat?” So she persuades her sister Sadaf to help her gift their Ammi a sari which had taken Ammi almost a month to weave. From breaking open their gullaks (piggy-banks) to doing odd jobs for Amina Khala, read on as the siblings embark on their heart-warming adventure to fund their special gesture for their loving Ammi! A touching tribute to a child’s love for their hard working mother, beautifully complemented by the illustrations that bring alive the bright hues and designs of the handloom weaves, and vividly portray the environment, community life and culture of the traditional weaving community life in Rajasthan ...... making it a delightful read on Mother’s day! Happy Mother’s day to all the mothers!

Mother's day in lock down!

If there’s anyone on the domestic front who is by far the worst affected by the lock down, it is the mom – be it stay-at-home or part-time/full-time professional – all are in fact working moms! With “stay home stay safe” being the ubiquitous mantra these days….home has turned into a workplace, day-care, summer camp, online-classroom, binge-watching-entertainment centre,  throwback-mythological-drama-driven-holy space, a 24/7 eatery all rolled into one – and who’s still responsible for keeping it together? “Amma..amma” is the constant chatter I hear from my soon to-be-five year old as I try to write this in between finishing up some pending drafts of petitions to be filed as soon as regular courts reopen at the end of the lock down (whenever that is!) As we try to grapple with household chores, cooking, tending to young kids, (with a little help from our spouses of course) while working full time/part time at our third party jobs (at jobs when working from home is possible), blurring the lines that separate work from home thus robbing us of our distinct identities, all of which now seem to merge into one – of that of a lock down mommy!  Personally, motherhood is certainly a joy to take on, but it is also true that motherhood isn’t all of me and I am pretty sure that I don’t want it to be! But I am also a little hesitant to admit it, as our culture elevates mothers to a Goddess-like stature, being the ultimate destination for an Indian woman.  Frankly, I don’t want to be a goddess!  I am only human and I want my own share of ‘bad’ and ‘good’ days as a mommy without having to feel especially guilty about the “bad’ days! On this mother’s day, apart from all the admiration and appreciation for the maternal bond, I wish we could be more tolerant and non-judgemental about the mommy-meltdowns too!

Apart from being moms, most of us women have our own little happy places untouched by our mommy-selves that we cherish – be it work or a certain me-time at home, or a class we enrol into, or a hobby or an activity we take up, or catching up with our own buddies or a yester-year serial /video/book/ dress we watch, read or wear just to feel if “that little girl’ is still in us…don’t we? Now suddenly, we find that the lockdown owing to the COVID-19 pandemic has suspended (albeit temporarily) everything and our own happy place seems to have been invaded by our all-pervading identity of being a “mom”!  I’m not sure if its only me or  is there anyone else who feels the same, if you do, please give a shout-out so that I know I’m not the only weird one! 😊

As I spend the first few hours of mother’s day with my mom at her farm Shristi at Dharmasthala where we travelled to on a two-way inter-district pass in order to pick up our son, Abhay who in his own words has had “the best summer ever” away from home, I now dread having to manage two kids for the rest of the lockdown! For mother’s day in advance, we picked an old favourite (from one of my own happy places Kutoohala) “I love my baby Because…..” a picture book by Paulina Simons and illustrated by Cassia Thomas,  which almost serves as a reminder for us moms as to why we are who we are! This delightfully endearing book beautifully describes the everyday adventures in mommy-hood, the light hearted humour depicted in the illustrations that are quite the opposite of the narration and a realistic portrayal of how things actually pan out when you involve young kids!  It is probably the mommy’s wishful thinking as she says “I Love by baby because ..she dresses herself. She feeds herself breakfast ..”… and as you can imagine, the little girl is shown doing her own version of  “dressing herself and eating breakfast”! The whole day goes by as the little girl “helps’ mommy with the household chores in her own way (Seriously, the mommy in the book is too good to be true!) and despite all the exhaustion, the mother can only feel unending love and warmth as she cuddles her daughter close at bedtime and ends up falling asleep herself! Feels familiar…doesn’t it? Happy mother’s day to all mommies!

Like a girl!

"Balance for better" is this year's theme for International women's day. A balanced and an inclusive environment especially in terms of gender is truly the way forward. As highlighted by Shelley Zalis on Forbes , 'When you add more women to any equation, there's a return on equality'.  Seeing more and more women at the boardroom, courtroom, legislature, cockpit, stadium, studio or on the front-lines is certainly not only a measure of progress of the society but also encourages many others to take a leap and a recognition and  celebration the same is the sheer essence of International women's day.

Speaking of balance on an individual level.....for every woman of this millennium, achieving the right balance has been a constant challenge. We are on a tightrope......on a perpetual balancing act... switching between our different identities, working around our varied schedules, managing expectations from multiple quarters - professional-societal-maternal-domestic and not to forget our own expectations from ourselves.... Oh! the different hats we wear!  Of course, like everyone and everything else, we have our goods days and bad days. There are times when things seems to be working reasonably well, even to a level of being textbook-perfect., and there are times when things couldn't be worse off....or when one role seems to overshadow the other .....at least for the time being.....and we feel guilty and with it, the need to justify ourselves.  But especially on those days..... we need to cut ourselves some slack....and not feel solely responsible for the things going wrong... ..and key is to go with the flow.....do you what got to do...and give it your best shot! As Julia Child had said "No matter what happens...in the kitchen  (sic)  (but you can take it as life in general) ...never apologize"

Women's day is also about supporting the individual freedom of choice and how as a society we ought respect a girl's choice to live life on her own terms, whether its choice of a career or a life partner or simply how she chooses to dress.... it's her choice and thus will be her responsibility to deal with it!  Anyway, I always try to read something woman-centric on Women's day, and this time I was delighted to find many books revolving around women. We had picked up "Like a Girl - Real stories for Tough kids" by Aparna Jain by Context, Westland Publications, at the Bangalore Lit fest last year when Abhay being one of the few boys to get the author to autograph the book for him as signed as "Change the world #Like a girl...."  

As true as that, the book presents the inspiring stories of fifty six women who pioneered their way through the so called male bastions with sheer grit and determination and  sought to change the world and thus making way for more to follow. From Sultan Razia to Dipa Karmakar, follow the stories of these  women who broke stereotypes and didn't hesitate to take the road less traveled to reach great heights. While there are many famous names that we've all heard , the book also features lesser known but no less adventurous women who rose from ordinary circumstances to make an extraordinary impact - like Rashida Bi and Champa Devi Shukla who took on the multi-national Union Carbide factory through their NGO 'Chingari' or the environmentalist Sunita Narain who lead the campaign in Delhi for vehicles to switch their engines from diesel to compressed natural gas or the writer Bama who took on the caste divide in her village and wrote about it that not only won her recognition but also empowered many other Dalit girls. A great book about great women.......and for anyone comparing "being shy or to cry......like a girl..." this book is a great way to show them to change the world ....like a girl! Happy women's day !!  

Aadya goes to playgroup!

I wouldn’t say that parenting a second child is easier than the first time around but you are certainly a lot more laid back the second time around, given the many ‘been there and done that’ instances that you come across as your little one grows through the usual milestones. What had earlier caused a storm in the household would hardly cause a flutter now; What appeared to be a mountain earlier is not even mole hill now; Similarly, the things that you fussed over your older one, don’t appear to fuss-worthy with your little one;  Of course, there may be many first-time issues with your younger one that you’ve never encountered before,  but wizened up over your parenting years, you know that you gotta do what you gotta  to do and there is no point in stressing too much over it…..as ultimately “The Kids are all Right”!!!

On the flipside though, you can also run the risk of taking some things a little too lightly as there is always a thin line between nonchalance and neglect. I suddenly realized that while Abhay’s first days of school were a big event, I don’t even remember Aadya’s first day of  her play-school.  It was only when we went for  Aadya’s  first school event, that it struck me that though it’s been close to six months since my little one started playschool, I don’t even have a post on the same on Onestoryaday! 

So to make up for all this lassitude and as its better late than never,  we revisited a book that we had read as she started school in June, one more gem from Kutoohala, “Goat goes to Playgroup” by Julia Donaldson and Nick Sharatt, Perfect for toddlers starting pre-school/playgroup, this book is centered around the mischievous little goat who joins his other animal friends in the school playgroup. The character of the goat is mirrored on that naughty little kid in the class, who never seems to sit in the designated place during circle time, or mixes and messes up the water colours while painting, tries out dangerous stunts in the play ground and has accidents everywhere ( My little one is in this phase now!) 

A lovely book for the little ones, with playful illustrations to identify with and laugh over and simple one-liner verses to read and repeat, a perfect play-group book. My little one…you may be growing up sooner than we can keep up……but going down the same path the second time over makes it much more enjoyable and memorable than the first time! As you begin a new chapter in your life........enjoy the school days…those golden rule days!!  

When Mama Comes Home Tonight..!

Just when the omnipresent working mom’s guilt had begun to ease with Abhay growing independent enough not to need his mom at every juncture, its back to square one with my little one!  Though being an independent professional allows one the flexibility to combine work with certain personal responsibilities that a structured job does not make room for, that does not automatically being about a greater work-life balance. Technically, there are no ‘day-offs’ or ‘sick-days” or “paid leaves” or even “public holidays”! While being busy is a good sign for an independent professional, it can also lead on to biting off more than one can chew.... often blurring the lines between home and work…and that’s when your support structure at home truly matters.

Well, notwithstanding umpteen number of day-cares that have mushroomed on every street of the city, most working moms depend on some sort of a support structure at home, at least during the early childhood phase of their kids – be it in the form of parents, in-laws or nannies, etc. Till recently, I was in between nannies …..the uncertainty  of which, believe me,  is worse than being in between jobs! With each passing day, things turn from bad to worse, leaving you at the mercy of these maid/nanny agencies that is probably the only business not affected by any kind of recession! Of course with each passing day, the helplessness makes you doubt the wisdom of your choice of getting back to work with a young kid in tow. Finally, when you find that your prayers have been answered, there is still a sense of uncertainty over whether the new help is here stay or will she vanish into thin air …like her predecessors! So while some semblance of sanity has been restored in our household, following the appointment of a new nanny for our little one, we never know when the rug will get pulled from under our feet…once again!

Anyway, this is an age old saga of a working mom that will only end when her kids fly out of their nests (or will it??). Meanwhile we shouldn’t forget to enjoy the small pleasures of life with kids  that includes reading to them which may turn out to be more of a relaxation therapy for the mothers!

Not very often do you come across a book that you can so well relate to, that it almost feels like to have been written only for you! “When Mama Comes Home Tonight” by Eileen Spinelli and illustrated by Jane Dyer is one such book that is a must-read for every mom, (especially working moms) to a young child! So much so that even the illustrator dedicates the book “To all mothers who come home tired at the end of the day….”! This book assumes a reassuring tone for all the kids waiting for their mamas to return home. With a beautiful narrative, the author vividly captures the daily routine of a mother once she is back at home…and how everything she does, involves her little one .. ..from hugging her little one tight to feeding her dinner and dancing with her down the hall, from engaging in quiet play to looking out of the window for stars and moon in the night, from mending the little one’s clothing while fixing her own and taking some time off for a cup of tea while letting her little one have a sip or two, from getting her into a bedtime routine of bathing her…reading to her and finally putting her to sleep with her soft lullabies in the company of her soft toys…mamma stays on till the end!  

Even the soft and tender water colour-like illustrations of the mother-child duo seem so real and familiar that it may as well be straight from one of our households. Personally, the illustration of the thumb-sucking-curly-haired little girl makes the book seem like a customized picture for me and my little one! Though based on a simple theme, its sublime presentation enhanced by soothing illustrations make a comforting read for all mothers and their little ones alike!

Letter to my father!

We find ourselves in an unenviable position of being caught in between two entirely different phases of growing up! Abhay’s near transition into tween years juxtaposed with our little one’s transition into toddlerhood makes for a trying test in parenting. While we do manage to sail through on some days…there are many occasions when we falter and fumble and that’s when the co-parental support assumes great importance. No matter how hands-on a parent you might be, it’s certainly tough to single-handedly manage everything on your own, without the support of your partner-in-crime! Today’s age and lifestyle has blurred the lines between what was typically considered a mother’s role or a father’s role, and the roles now seem interchangeable, depending upon time and convenience. The credit largely goes to the new generation dads who’ve stepped up and are not just actively involved but rather thoroughly enjoy their parenting responsibilities. Daddies are always special…..no matter how late they turn up from work ……they always get a giant grin from the kids….be it a one year old or a ten year old!

Well…parenting is a journey and no journey is fun without a companion! So father’s day or mother’s day is also about acknowledging the vital role played by our spouses  in this journey. So as we embark on this amazing experience together … we start out as rookies, gain experience along the way and then probably turn pro, especially the second time around! J

So over the father’s day weekend a couple of days ago, we revisited a passage that is a touching ode  to a father-son relationship beautifully expressed in the form of a letter in “Letter to my father”, being an excerpt from his recent compilation “Whistling Schoolboy and other stories of school life” by Ruskin Bond brought out by Red Turtle wing of Rupa publications. Considering that schools have begun in most parts of the country, this collection of stories revolving around school life makes for an ideal read this season. “Letter to my father” feels like a continuing monologue of a son recounting his everyday experiences, reflections and thoughts to his father. No one would have guessed that the father to whom the letter is addressed has been long gone as the letter is written in a conversational style that only goes to show the undying love between father and child. Written in first person as a young adult, Ruskin Bond fondly remembers the precious time he spent with his father as a nine year old, as if it were yesterday. Though this also brings back unpleasant memories of his father passing away and that he misses his father even though his father has been gone for over four decades …. ….the letter however does not strike a sorrowful note but is instead a celebration of the special bond that the Bonds share! J  With a breezy narrative that alternates between witty and wise, insightful musings that are quintessentially Ruskin Bond, this poignant tribute to his father is sure to bring a lump in your throat! For instance, he wonders what if he happens to meet his dad, would his dad look the same and further will he still be a small boy or an old man? Classic Ruskin Bond..isn't it??:-)

Belated wishes to all the daddies on Father’s day!! 

Mothers and others!

There’s an old saying that God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers!!!  While this was meant to be appreciative of the unparalleled persona of a mother, it can also be a tad overwhelming, especially in today’s age of super-moms! Of course …being a mother is a huge part of a woman’s identity and there’s nothing in the world that would make her trade places with someone who’s never experienced the joy of motherhood. That said….does motherhood define one’s identity ….may be and may be not!  It’s been almost ten years since I’ve joined the ranks of many women and came to be known as “amma” to my son and  had a dejavu feeling when my was daughter was born last year. As my daughter is slowly getting the hang of calling out my name aloud - “amma” …… I wonder if that is all I will be to them!  No doubt …  I am their mother and they are at a stage where …..“amma” is everything to them, more so with the little one. But I am not sure if I want them to grow up thinking that “amma” is a uni-dimensional figure, ever present and ever ready to make their life as easy as they want it to be! As they grow up, I surely want them to understand that “amma” has her own life or has her own thing going which may not be convenient to them at all times. 

Sometimes I wonder if we moms really need the anointed status of “Supermoms” because we are as flawed as anybody else and just like everybody else…we have our good days and bad days too! Well….I’m not sure if even God meant for mothers to be everywhere or round-the-clock/24-7 care- providers leaving us with very little or no ‘home-life balance’! J

So as a departure from my usual routine on Onestoryaday, I’ve picked up a book meant more for adults than children “Mothers and others” a wonderful compilation on motherhood and more, edited by Jaishree Mishra, brought out by Zubaan publications. This eclectic collection provides an off-beat perspective to one of the most special human relationships - the mother-child bond. With most contributions narrated from the mother’s point of view, this certainly  makes an interesting read and even echoes the sentiments of young moms who find it hard to toe the traditional line, when it comes to parenting. With contributions from well known writers like Shashi Despande, Jahnavi Barua, Manju Kapur, Kishwar Desai (to name a few and my personal favourites) and many more, you realize that motherhood cannot be strait- jacketed into how its represented in mainstream media and films and that there are so many layers and dimensions to it, with its own highs and lows and pain and pleasures. Read on as the books also explores questions of identity, adoption, childlessness, bereavement and loss through the medium of beautifully written essays, stories and poems. Though the stories are essentially for grown-ups,  I did manage to read  to my nine year old, a little from “Eating Baby” by Anita Roy, a hilarious account of a mother transitioning from nursing to feeding her baby solids ( a stage I went through recently and hence could totally relate to ) Though my older one could follow a little, he  couldn’t understand what the fuss was all about!  Well..once in a while,  it's sure okay to set aside the picture books or young reader fiction and read what mommy wants to read right?? Like I said …“amma” has a taste and a mind of her own too! J Happy Mother’s day to all the mommies!    

Gender - Degender!

First appeared on Parent Edge blog

Every year around this time, we find numerous write-ups and discussions in the media, symposiums and talks in educational institutions, and musical/cultural events revolving around what has now become an extremely symbolic ‘Women’s day’!  Why….even retailers and restaurateurs have jumped into the bandwagon and are offering ‘women only’ offers and happy hours!  While symbolism is important to make a statement and it was indeed a proud feeling watching the women legislators dominate the Lok Sabha session today, what really matters is to see if we can sustain the same momentum, in other areas as well. While celebrating our differences from men on one hand, and striving for gender equality on the other, as a way forward, it is but most significant to break free from gender stereotypes, gendered perceptions and gender based double standards. Why is it that no matter how successful a woman is in her professional capacity, she is still judged on the basis of how much of ‘nurturer’ she is towards her family? Why is it that a woman is expected to be a superwoman when men will be men? Why should it matter as to whether it’s a man or a woman who is driving the vehicle ahead of you? Why is it that no matter how brilliant a girl has been as a student, she is more often than not,  expected to stick to a family-friendly 9 to 5 job ? Apart from certain intrinsic differences between men and women…it’s all about individual choice and freedom isn’t it …and what’s gender got to do with it? Here's extending  this year's International Women's day theme 'One day I will'  to..........One day gender will not matter!

As parents, we owe our children the responsibility to see to it that they neither perpetuate nor feel fettered by gender barriers so as to achieve a more egalitarian society that we are all hoping for.  On the occasion of Women’s day, we picked up “Big Hero size zero” a thought provoking book by Anusha Hariharan and Sowmya Rajendran brought out by Tulika publications that seeks to shatter the societal and cultural shackles associated with gender. With its main focus on gender talk, this book also addresses various issues faced by adolescents relating to identity, peer pressure and feelings of alienation and rebellion against family, etc. Since Abhay is still on the cusp of his ‘tween’ years and he was still too young to comprehend some issues, reading this book is still a work in progress. Meant for the teenage drama kings and queens aged thirteen and above, this work of non-fiction comprehensively deals with the role of gender vis-à-vis family, society, appearances, attraction, violence and finally how each one of us deals with gender, which is nothing but an identity assigned to us by the society as opposed to sex which is an identity determined at birth. The authors attempt at challenging labels that the society in general ascribes  to how a man and a woman ought to be, including our own biases that we never knew existed or even every-day language that reveals gender biased phrases. This book flows like a candid conversation on gender issues, including the tabooed transgender and same sex relationships that are often caricatured in the mainstream culture.  “What’s the point in earning if she can’t cook for her husband?” or “Scantily dressed women should expected to be raped?” or “A bold and aggressive woman is not marriage material” are some of the comments that are often bandied around as if they represent solemn truths and this book is a bold endeavour to question such prejudices. With a breezy yet powerful narrative, frequent references to popular culture and accompanied by illustrations that parody gender stereotypes within the family and society, this book raises important questions, busts long held myths and confronts many truths and untruths that makes not just the young reader, but even adults think and reflect on whether it’s really a boy-girl thing! Happy Women's day to everyone! 

School Days .....!!

It’s back to school time for most households in Bangalore! It’s doubly so in our household as I am back to black and white, with civil courts reopening after a month long vacation. Why…It only feels like yesterday when I was trying to work out an ideal vacation-cum-summer camp schedule for our seven year old to enjoy and be engaged!  Whoosh…..two months have flown past! Now we are back to the days of ….morning rush, lunchbox challenge, homework help, the re-imposition of the “Early to bed Early to rise” rule and not to mention the  parental rule “Early Bird in the evening gets to check on the school diary” ! :-) In many ways though, school days mean falling back on regular routine and schedules that had during the holidays got a little irregular if not more hectic, with back to back summer camps, sports/swimming coaching, additional activities to keep the kids busy and in some cases (in ours, actually!) parents enrolling into morning activities that would have been impossible on regular school days!!:-)  Phew!! So settling back to the predictable school-office-home routine with a weekly class or two can’t be that bad at all ….isn’t it??J

 

For our back to school read….we picked “School Days”, a collection of 16 short stories by different authors brought out by Children’s Book Trust publications. Frankly, I hadn’t expected much when I picked this up, but  should have known better, considering I’d bought this off the travelling bookstore supporting  Bookalore at Bookalore 's  annual event early this year. All the stories make a delightful read and may almost get one nostalgic about his or her very own school days. Some of the stories carried familiar names that had me thinking of my schoolmates!:-) Well written and easily relatable stories that brilliantly portray the conflict, mischief, determination and distractions of middle and high school students. There’s “The Boomeranged Prank” by Madhumita Gupta ( a prank played by Arpit, Aniket and Abhinav, a trio gang of backbenchers on the teacher’s pet backfiring - a story of any naughty boys’ gang) or the tension Smitha goes through at having forgotten her homework at home in  “The Forgotten Homework” by Manoj T Thomas (totally my story!) or about how Rumah overcomes her embarrassment of having to wear glasses in “School days” Vandana Kumari Jena (a story of someone close to me!) or confusion in the computer lab in “CTRL + Z” by R.L.Sailaja (could be Abhay’s story!). This book sure makes an ideal read at the start of the new school year as you read and reflect on those carefree days when life was all about homework, tests, school house rivalry, classroom pranks, and the unforgettable friends you make at school! Have a great school year ahead!  

                                             Abhay's first day first show!

Beastly boys!

With both mom and dad working in most households, routine-parenting tasks are no longer the woman’s forte – be it getting the kids ready to school, drop off and pick-up from school, following up on their homework, putting them to bed and so on and so forth. Like most couples, we too follow certain ground rules of routine jobs –  the “Good cop- Bad cop” rule  while disciplining Abhay; or the “Early Bird in the evening gets to check on Abhay’s homework” rule or the “Homework helper  is exempted from the bedtime routine” rule that is most often overruled by “Winding up of kitchen entails an exemption from the bedtime routine”….so no prizes for guessing that it is my husband who most often ends up with Abhay’s bedtime business, with an exception made for a special bedtime book that I may want to read to him! The only problem being that both my boys (yes….you read it right!) do everything there is to do under the moon but go to bed! So as the daddy finishes reading the bedtime book, I expect the voices to die down into a total silence from the room upstairs, but instead I hear them giggle and guffaw at their own private joke or pretend play that I am not and cannot be a part of! It is only after repeated reminders of how it is way past time Abhay’s bedtime and warnings of the consequences of a late night for Abhay  that the boys do  finally go to bed! Hmph! …..boys will always be boys!

So imagine my surprise when we found the above situation mirrored in a book titled “Mr. Beast” by James Sage and illustrated by Russel Ayto that the boys ( it was a working Saturday for me!) found at Hippocampus. A hilarious account of nighttime banter between a father-son duo, this one is definitely worth a read by the daddy himself! Charlie loved monsters as much his mother’s sugared doughnuts and so his mother asks him to fetch the larger frying pan lying in their garage, supposedly belonging to Mr. Beast. Mr. Beast lets him have the frying pan with a condition that the same must returned with a brimful of sugared doughnuts. Just as Charlie lugs back the pan to its designated place, carrying a batch of doughnuts meant for Mr. Beast, Charlie gets greedy and finishes off even the last one left! So naturally Mr. Beast is angry and threatens to eat him up at night! At bedtime, Charlie is all ready and waiting for Mr. Beast who Charlie believes is clambering up the creeper, clattering about the roof, sliding down the chimney and stomping down the hall to thrust open the door as Charlie is shown to be eagerly waiting for him! As the suspense continues, you cant help but notice that Charlie is all smiles and goes along in the pretend play with Mr. Beast who is none other than his very own daddy! The father-son pretend play wakes up Charlie’s mommy who in turn hauls up the daddy for all the silliness that has gone way beyond Charlie’s bedtime with strict instructions to go to sleep without any delay! So the boys promise to be as good as gold and are shown heading to bed…..but only for a moment until they get back to their beastly ways! So if your boys give you trouble during bedtime….bring home Mr. Beast!

Piggybook!

I haven’t waited for any weekend as eagerly as I have for the coming long weekend!  Well, it is an understatement to say “hectic’, but this week has been crazy both at work and on the personal front. Now before I can heave a sigh of relief as the week draws to a close two days early, thanks to Id-ul-Fitr and a second Saturday, it turns out that it may be a working looooong weekend, after all as I have to trudge  through a few legal documents while vacationing in my father’s farm house!:-(  Anyway, another reason I felt over-worked this week is because of my mother-in-laws’ absence at home, making me in charge of the household (read kitchen) responsibilities! This got me thinking about the importance of an all-encompassing domestic support for a working woman today in order to maintain sanity, and this is apart from the housemaid or the help who comes in for a couple of hours for household cleaning and allied chores.  With today’s working woman out of the house for most part of the day, either because of extended working hours or long commute, it’s no secret that we need help for not only child-care, but also cooking and cleaning up thereafter because if I have to fix “Abhay’s favorite panner subzi” for dinner after a long grueling day at court followed by client meetings, it will be like jumping from frying pan to fire! J So we look to support or rather outsource the domestic responsibilities to our parents, in-laws or a full-time hired help. Well, I am grateful to my mother-in-law without whose support my life would have been a mad rush like it has been the whole of this week! Of course, with husbands helping around, it is no longer the “woman’s” sole responsibility, but it is still not the woman who asks “what’s for dinner”, right?:-)

In my hubby’s defense, however, I must say that as I write this post just before leaving to “Shristi”, my father’s farmhouse at Dharmasthala for the long weekend….it is my husband who is winding up the kitchen! J Anyway, I guess as mothers of little boys, it is for us to see to it that gender stereotypes are not perpetuated on the domestic front. Though Abhay has noticed his father help out at the kitchen, its time he starts helping out too. I found a nice little book titled “Piggybook” by Anthony Browne that probably will help me on that count. This one just like other books by Anthony Browne, challenges commonly held beliefs with though-provoking yet comic illustrations. The Piggot family comprising of the mother, father and two boys are a nice little family who live in a nice house, with nice garden and a nice garage. Mrs Piggot does all the household chores from cooking, cleaning, serving, laundry to ironing while having a full-time job on hand. Mr Piggot and the Piggot boys simply order her around and take her for granted. One fine day Mrs. Piggot who has had enough, leaves a note that to her husband and sons that says saying “you are pigs” and walks out. Mr Piggot and the Piggot boys return to an empty house and are annoyed that they have cook and clean themselves. They find it hard to get by without Mrs. Piggot and are seen turning as dirty as pigs for real! Mrs. Piggot then returns, much to relief of the “pigs” but her return is subject to certain conditions - that the boys make their own bed, dad learns to wash the dishes and all of them helped with the cooking and all of them realized that they enjoyed it, after all! So the other day, I asked Abhay to lay the table for dinner, which he no doubt, set out to do willingly but sought to overdo it so much that I regretted asking him!!:-) So if you think you are little ones may be growing into little “pigs” at home……bring home the “Piggybook”!

Dad's the word!

With father’s day today, it’s time to show our gratitude to the daddies in our lives!  Of course, we all have our dads to thank, but what about the father of our little ones? So until our little ones are old enough to churn out something on their own, it’s upon us mommies to ensure that the daddies get their due on Father’s day just as we bask in our status as a mother on Mother’s day! I am not a great fan this hallmark sponsored day, but I see no harm in taking some time off to acknowledge the role our partners play in parenting…… if not at least for a day!  Fathers are now more actively involved in their children’s lives than their predecessors….and why not? Daddies are always the favorite, no matter what you do and so it’s time they get their hands dirty too! J I am greatly dependent on my husband without whom I’d find it hard to handle even some of daily routine activities revolving around Abhay!  So whether it’s getting my tardy six year old ready for school in the morning (while sharing a man-to-man time with him!) or initiating the bed-time protocol at night (and dozing off  in the meantime!) or waking up the middle of the night when Abhay ambles over to our room (a regular phenomenon!) or  taking him to an event or an activity on a Saturday morning (as Saturdays are working for me!) or  playing the “Good cop” when as always I am the “Bad cop” while disciplining my errant little one or when I am need of some kind of reassurance that we are doing the right thing as parents….dad’s the word!

So today I had Abhay and his dad read together “Interrupting Chicken” by David Ezra Stein, a book that won the famed Caldecott Honor for the year 2011. I had this one shipped from the US through a friend sometime ago, but never had the opportunity to feature the same on Onestoryaday. The reason I chose to do so on father’s day is because I found there was a striking resemblance between how the papa-chicken and baby-chicken cuddle up in bed and how Abhay holds on to his dad  at bedtime! This is a father-child story that definitely makes a wonderful read on father’s day! It was bed time for the little red chicken and her papa is all set to read her a story but with a condition that the little one should not interrupt the story in between as she usually does to which little chicken promises to be good and not interrupt the story. And so starts papa chicken with the story of “Hansel and Gretel” who both being extremely hungry are thrilled to find a house made of candy and begin to eat up the goodies when the witch pretending to be an old woman invites them in. Just as they are about to enter the danger zone, the little red chicken jumps in interrupting the story telling Hansel and Gratel not to go in as the woman was a witch. So Hansel and Gratel did not go in and the story ended quickly. Papa chicken reminded the little red chicken of her promise not to interrupt and started to read “Little Red Riding Hood”. But the story of Red Riding Hood too met a similar end with the warning Little Red Riding Hood about not talking to strangers just as she was about to talk to the wolf! Thus the incorrigible red can’t control herself and jumps in every time the story reaches a turning point! Finally Papa chicken has had it and closes the book when little pleads with him for another story without which she cannot fall asleep. Papa then asks her to tell him a story instead. As the little chicken starts off with her story “Once upon a time…there was a little red chicken who put her papa to bed…”, her papa is fast asleep and it doesn’t take long for the little chicken to jump right in next to her dearest papa! Abhay of course enjoyed the rendition of this story by his own papa! Happy father’s day to all the dads!

Hanging out with Abhay!

I love doing what I do and could never see myself doing anything else other than practicing law! This is one thing most of my childhood friends can vouch for – I have always wanted to do law and ended up doing just that! As I passed out of college and enrolled myself as an advocate at the Karnataka bar, I had no idea how hectic my life would become once I joined my Senior’s chambers. Still, I didn’t mind the long hours, the hard work and the not-so-great pay as long I was enjoying doing what I was doing. All was well until I had Abhay and that’s when I realized that litigation does not spare any quality time for family…especially for a young mom with young kids! It’s a story of most women advocates! In the evenings, after Court work, we have office work to attend to while our kids come home to their grandparents or worse still,  the maid; We have clients to meet, lists to check and update, when all we want to do is check on our little one’s school work; No matter how hard we work during the day, our competency is always assessed by how late we stay! But come April, any litigation lawyer will be glad she chose to work in litigation, thanks to the month long vacation for Civil Courts! With courts closed for over four weeks, we can finally take our kids to the park or take them swimming or on a play date every evening ……..something we can only dream of when Courts are working!

Anyway, I can’t believe it’s been three days already since the civil courts closed…..hmmm....I could get used this! J Since I’ll get to spend more with Abhay, I read “Hanging out with Mom”, a Level 2 Scholastic Early reader by Sonia W. Black and illustrated by George Ford. Abhay of course could not read all of it by himself, but managed to read a little with help. A young boy is thrilled to see his mom come home from work early and requests her to take him to a park to play. Changing into their casual clothes, the boy and his mom head out. They first stop to grab some evening snacks and then drive to the park where he finds runners, hikers, basketball players, skaters and bikers. Young kids stop by the rabbit hutch and the older kids fly kites. The boy and his mom stop by the pond to feed the ducks and then race to the playground, the boy reaching first closely followed by his mom (moms are always last in the race ..right?). The boy slides down the giant slide while his mom waits for him at the bottom and as he climbs up the monkey bars, his mom cautions him to be careful. As they play in sand, they find sand in their shoes and in their hair, but they are having so much fun that they hardly care! As it turns dark, it’s time to go, but the boy is certain he will come back for sure as evenings in the park is the best part of the day – both for him and his mom! So….I hope Abhay’s looking forward to hanging out with his mom …..just as I am! Happy Holidays to my fellow advocates !!!

Circle of guilt!

When I was not working, every second mom I met was a working mother and now that I am working, every second mom I meet is a stay-at-home mom! I mean…..the grass is truly greener on the other side. I guess as women, there are no guilt free choices! When you opt out of work, you feel guilty for doing not justice to your education or your career aspirations; when you get back in circuit, you feel guilty about not being able to devote enough time to your little one – so guilt is your companion for life! In fact, ever since I’ve started work, I am yet to settle into a routine that allows me some time with Abhay. Of course, Abhay is not complaining as he is happy to have his paternal grandma pamper him on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday evenings and have his maternal grandma regal him with her stories on Thursday and Friday evenings! Even with this arrangement of shared babysitting, I can’t wait to get back home to my baby! I know that Abhay is in safe hands, but all said and done, it’s not me who is with him. But at the same time, I do enjoy my work and did feel relieved to find that not much has changed in since I left in 2008! J

Anyway, last morning I was a little harsh with Abhay as I was in a rush myself and could not afford to have him miss the bus or else I’d have to drop him myself ( as my husband was busy too). So after I saw him off, I couldn’t help but feel guilty about the way I had acted and the guilt seemed to haunt me the entire day at work. In fact, the guilt seemed more pronounced than usual as it wouldn’t be me receiving him as he got back in the evening! So at bedtime, I was comforted by a similar story of a mom in a hurry in “Don’t Forget I love you” by Miriam Moss and Anna Currey. When Billy wakes up in the morning, he begins to look for his soft toy ‘the rabbit” when his mom calls him for breakfast downstairs. Mom cant help getting impatient on seeing Billy’s tardy ways and asks him to hurry. But Billy being the ‘Abhay-type’, couldn’t care less and continues to play with his rabbit, and gets busy with dressing up rabbit instead of getting dressed himself. At last, much to mom’s relief, Billy manages to get ready and just when they are about to leave, he runs upstairs to have rabbit say good bye to his other toys. When they finally begin to walk to school, it starts to rain and Billy balancing rabbit and lunch box, drops his lunch. It’s clearly one of those mornings when everything seems to go  wrong. Billy’s angry mom gathers his lunch and grabs hold of his toy rabbit and leads the way. As it gets late for both Billy and his mom, they run the rest of the way to school. When Billy is dropped off to school, he is upset that his mom forgot to hand over rabbit and most importantly forgot to say “I love You”! Just when Billy starts to cry, missing his mom, the door flung open and in rushes his mom with rabbit in her hands that also give Billy his most awaited “I love you” hug!  So ….this book ends with a message that every mom wants to convey to her little one - even when mama is in a rush, don’t forget that she loves you very much!