Gone Grandmother!

Suddenly...she's gone!

The most celebrated member of our household, the senior most member of our entire family and one of the few people who lived to see an entire century unfold in front of her eyes is no more. Our beloved centenarian grandmother, who's hundredth birthday we'd just celebrated earlier this year breathed her last, early this month. While we knew she had lead a  full and fruitful life always surrounded by her near and dear ones down to even the fifth generation of great-great-grandson, and death was a near eventuality, the suddenness of it all still baffles us!  It was meant to be a routine/ precautionary visit to the doctor just before our impending pre-planned travel, followed by hospitalization for administration of drips for a day or two.........little did we realize that it was time for Doddamma's rendezvous with death!

Now that the obsequies and last rites performed by her eight septuagenarian and sexagenarian children are complete, the relatives have left, and everyone has got on with their daily humdrum of life, we miss her a lot, especially in the little things that had been interwoven into our daily routine - during mealtimes we remember pulling out her silver thali along with our steel thalis  or during the daily pooja we'd fondly recall her picking up to beat the traditional 'jagante'  during the 'arathi" or how she would always wheel herself into the makeshift football play area our living room is often turned into, much to Abhay's chagrin, or the sound of her coughing that I could hear from my office that shared the same wall as her room, or when we still end up peeping into her room to wave goodbye while leaving for work.........it would certainly take a while for us to get used to living without our grand old matriarch. Thanks to the love, constant care and sacrifice  of  her primary care givers, viz. her eldest son and daughter-in-law,  our grandmother or "Doddamma" could lead a long and healthy life with such joy and enthusiasm  (even as she was wheelchair bound) that was unmatched and is truly hard to come by in  today's  technology-driven and impatient millennial world!.

Since we were travelling when our doddamma passed away and could not witness the formalities leading up to her cremation, it was hard for us post our return, to fathom  the thought that doddamma is no more! So much so that even now I almost expect doddamma to wheel herself out of the front room at the sound of pooja bell!!  As we got back, my little one roamed all around the house in search of her favourite companion, who'd keep her company in any indoor game or play the patient audience to her funny antics or join in a jagante duet during the Friday evening pooja.. .....  her dodda ajji was nowhere in sight!    

Abhay too fondly remembers his friendly territorial fights with dodda-ajji as he set out play indoors or how he would coax her into listening to him practice his music lessons or how dodda-ajji would always come to his rescue when being disciplined by his parents! Ever since he remembers, Dodda-ajji has always been a big part of his life at home, and now that's she's gone... he too misses her. So I had picked out a wonderful book that throws light on bereavement, especially from the perspective of young children, "Gone Grandmother", a Tulika publication by Chatura Rao and Krishna Bala Shenoi. Nina's grandmother went away before she could say  goodbye. Though the next day and the day after appeared to be the same....in terms of her surroundings, her school and her friends, it felt  different.... ...... as her Nani didn't come back and it was as if she'd disappeared into thin air. When she quizzes her mother as to where has nani gone, her mother replies "to the stars". Just as she tries to figure out as to whether her nani has really gone to the stars or God's home or has in turn become a part of the air we breathe or the soil below, she fondly remembers her times with nani - the general knowledge book that she'd read with her, or listen to Vividh Bharathi with nani while jumping the skipping rope, or recalls some endearing moments exclusive to the grandchild-grandmother bond. She finally realizes that she may never see her nani in her plump-cuddly shape again..... but can find her  nani  shining down at her as the brightest star in the sky! A poignantly narrated  tale that beautifully captures the child's grief and dilemma over the loss of a loved one and how she comes to terms with the same. Abhay liked the author's philosophical take on death of aged grandparents and was touched by the book. Though my little one is too young to understand what happened, or too young to fully grasp dodda-ajji's absence  and may be just too young to probably remember as she grows up, her times with dodda-ajji...... but as of now, her answer to the question"Where is dodda-ajji?" seems to be "Dodda-ajji is with God"!  Rest in peace...dear doddamma! 

Cloudland!

The last few days has seen Bangalore experience some kind of a preview of the oncoming monsoon with overcast skies and briefs spells of rain. Just as we begin to rejoice in the transition into cooler days, the sun shines down in all its brilliance and bristling heat…..as if the clouds were only a teaser! J If you think about it, cloudy days have a lot to offer - they make your commute to work or commuting to different locations a lot tolerable without the oppressive heat,  cloudy days can hand out an excuse for your little one to walk in to school in coloured clothes as his school uniform has not dried in time and of course …cloudy days make you want to bunk office and sit by the window or your balcony curled up with a book (lucky if you are actually able to do this!)  At times.......the anticipation of rain is better than the rain itself..isn’t it??

 

I'd picked up this book for its title but found it to be deeper in essence and meaning. Cloudland by John Birmingham not only makes a delightful read but throws up some philosophical questions about death and afterlife in such a subtle manner that it may almost be lost on your young reader as he finds himself enchanted by its dreamy theme and captivated by its brilliant and imaginative illustrations. Albert and his parents hike high up to the mountains with clouds floating below them! As they decide to head back before dark, there occurs a terrible accident-Albert falls off the cliff! His parents look all over for him but cannot find him. But as Albert falls, he is rescued by the children living in the clouds chanting magical words that sound like  "Fumble gralley goggle ho hee, Teetum waggle bari se nee, Gargle giggle fiddle num dee" and so on and so forth! Albert suddenly feels lighter when the Cloud children offer to make him a bed of clouds on which he is seen falling asleep. Albert along with the cloud children embarks on new adventures every day encircling the clouds, like climbing up the tall clouds, jumping on them and playing cloud ball,  beating drums and blowing trumpets in their attempt to match up to the noise of thunderstorms, soaking in the rain, painting pictures by a  beautiful rainbow, racing on little clouds amidst the airplane flying above their heads, etc Albert was literally in cloud 9!  But one night as he looked down from his cloud bed, he saw lights of a city and this made him think of his mom and dad and wished he could go home! As the word spread,  the Cloud queen finds it surprising as no one has ever wanted to go back home after having lived in the clouds. But as Albert is determined, the Cloud queen treats Albert to a farewell party with the Man in the Moon. The Cloud queen has the clouds drift over the city where Albert lived and sends off Albert chanting the magical words backwards. The next thing Albert remembers is that he is back in his own room waking up to his mom and dad! So was it a just a dream or heralding a new beginning?? The main appeal of this book lies in the illustrations - John Birmingham's black and white figures set against photographic images spin a magical tale that can either be taken as-it-is or for its underlying meaning. Overall, a great book to mull over clouds, imaginary adventures, life and beyond with your young reader!

Confessions of a father!:-))

Father's Day post by Rajaram (Abhay's dad)

 

Kids find it easier to deal with dads of today as compared to moms and I will tell you why! No offence moms! While both go through stress in bringing up their kids, the stress that each parent goes through is different in nature and intensity! While moms do all the hardwork of planning the activities including logistics for their kids, working through the schedule of the husband's and others around, dads carry the stress of complying with the same! More often than not, the onus of chalking out a workable plan lies on the moms and their anxiety over its execution reflecting on their behaviour make the dads appear cooler!:-)) Okay.... Getting carried away here! :-)) One thing's certain, what starts off as a chore for dads ends up being one of the most enjoyable parts of their routine! For instance, when my son Abhay was born, my wife literally forced "my time-Abhay time" into my daily schedule as a way of getting me to spend some quality time with our little one! Along time, not only did I look forward to it, but found my son eagerly pulling me into what became our numerous joint ventures together! Today on Father's Day, I had a moment reflection on seeing a card handcrafted by  Abhay, where he has thanked me for some of his recent expeditions! It's great to be a dad ... a smile on your child's face or a hug seeking reassurance makes all your running around a meaningful and a worthwhile experience! 

 

 

 

Divya had picked a special book for today to read to Abhay.  It's titled 'FArTHER', brilliantly written and magnificently illustrated by Grahame Baker-Smith. This is a story narrated by a son about his memories of his childhood spent with his father in their house made of stone atop a cliff near the ocean.  Father is set out to build his dream which is a flying machine. He worked on it days and nights and the small son would watch the father with keen eyes. Father would be so immersed in his dream/work, that the boy would wait for his dad to remember of his existence.  Then suddenly the father would scoop up the son like a wind and play with him cricket, fly kites together and swim. Then they would be together until the dream of flying returned to them. But before the dad could realise the dream of flying,  the story takes a twist of fate. The father is called to join the army and the khaki clad dad's wave of hand is the last the son sees of him. However one day, father's dream speaks to the now grown up son and he takes up the old wings from his father's workshop and completes the flying machine and flies!! The story ends with the son having his own son and with him wondering what will he do in the future and whether his father's dream would visit his son too...

The illustrations literally take you to a different world of father, son and the dreams!  The book is said to be inspired by the author's experience of being a son and a father.  Abhay was in rapt attention throughout and was trying to take in the essence of the story though being tough for a 7 year old to follow and understand the deep emotions in this book. He did not like the father going away and not coming back but liked the overall father son bonding so nicely depicted throughout.

 

Geetha-atte's parting gifts!

 Ever since our beloved aunt Geetha-atte passed away during the third week of January, we were in mourning for a period of 12 days that culminated in a ceremony performed yesterday when the entire family said their final goodbyes to her departed soul.  Life goes on...people move on….. times change…while what remains are memories! So as we try to get on with our normal day-to-day routine, there will still be some things that bring her back to life, in our minds – be it her water bottle that mysteriously finds its way into our kitchen reminding us how she never failed to remind us to have it filled every night, or while savouring her favorite sweet/dessert, or remembering her bold and cheeky comments that she  so was famous or infamous for or stumbling upon "Sankara TV", her favorite channel on television – all of those being Geetha-atte’s parting gifts.

Ever since her demise, I have been on the look-out for children’s books on bereavement and ordered this off flipkart which arrived just as we returned home after performing her last rites as if to mark the end of her time with us. “Badger’s parting gifts” by Susan Varley is a beautiful story about the loss of a friend and coming to terms with it. Badger, a much loved friend of all the animals in woodland was so old that he knew he would soon die. As Badger goes down the long tunnel (which is how dying is shown), his friends, Mole, Frog, Fox and the Rabbit are overwhelmed by the loss as Badger was always there when they needed him. As the winter sets in, the whole woodland is covered in snow as if to signify the sorrow all the animals felt over Badger’s death. As spring drew near, each of his friends remembers Badger for what he had taught them. Mole recalls how Badger introduced him to paper cutting; Frog fondly remembers how Badger guided him into becoming an excellent skater he is today; Fox is grateful to Badger for learning to knot a tie and Mrs. Rabbit owes her delicious gingerbread recipe to Badger! As the last of the snow melts, so does the animal’s sadness which make them also remember other stories about Badger that bring smile on their faces.  Finally, on a warm sunny day, Mole walks to hillside where he last met Badger and thanks him for his parting gifts believing that Badger would hear him….and Badger somehow did! Abhay then asked me if Geetha-atte can hear us even after she is dead to which I didn’t respond immediately as I honestly don’t know the answer myself. But one thing is for sure….Geetha-atte may have gone down the long tunnel, but her memories are always etched in our minds and hearts!

Farewell to Geetha-atte......

Over the last weekend we bade farewell to our beloved aunt Geetha, my father-in-law’s sister who was ailing for quite some time now. Geetha-atte as she was fondly called, was a sixty year special child with an amazing zest for life. With a mind of a five year old, Geetha-atte charmed everyone with her free-wheeling spirit, including Abhay who was extremely fond of her. Geetha-atte was in may ways Abhay's nanny rocking him  to sleep when he was an infant, an in-house play-mate, a peer to pretend play, boss over and and rival with - all rolled into one!  As she breathed her last on Sunday, I was quite anxious as to how Abhay would take the sight of everyone grieving over her death. But Abhay seemed quite composed as he watched his beloved Geetha-atte’s  body being taken away for cremation. He had one question though, “Which God will Geetha-atte go to – Vishnu, Shiva or Hanuman?”

 

Geetha-atte during healthier and happier times!

Since Abhay is a little too young to witness death on such close quarters, I was looking for some books on bereavement and landed this link of a famous book that reassures children that no matter what they will always be loved. "No matter what" by Debi Gliori  is a story of a young child named Small who is feeling grim and grumpy that no one loves him at all. Then Large, a character representative of a parent assures him that grim or not, no matter what, he will always be loved. Small then asks what he is a grizzly bear, or turns into a bug or becomes a crocodile, would he still be loved to which Large answers in the affirmative. Finally Small wonders aloud “What about when we’re dead and gone…would you still love me then, does love go on?” Large takes him to the window and asks him to gaze at the night sky full of bright and shining stars, some of them having died a long time ago and yet  continue to shine in the evening skies and thus finally concluding with a reassuring note that love like starlight never dies. So no matter what Abhay….you will always be loved by your loved ones. Similarly, Geetha-atte though no more…but her child-like enthusiasm and unconditional love will always live on!  Rest in peace …Geetha Karanth!