Fourteen already??

 

Every year I begin this post with a sense of awe at the fleeting time and how it feels as if time is racing against itself to make way for this little being that came out of me to grow bigger, (almost surpassed me in height) bolder (read audacious), though  not wiser yet! As my son added another turbulent teen year to his adolescent life,  I can only hope for more patience for this tempestuous tide to ebb in its own flow…whenever that happens! Parenting teenage kids is like walking on a tightrope, a tough balancing act at that, alternating between liberal and authoritarian parenting strategies…and this indoors-bound life where he is logging into from one online class to another, owing to the pandemic isn’t helping at all!

As a  follow-up parent, while you may be in touch with the day to day life of your child, but you also run the risk of having only transaction based interactions, checking on whether his homework has been turned in, or whether he’s practiced the new krithi that’s been taught recently, or has he zeroed in on a topic to speak on his weekly gavel club, or if has he read up the Child Friendly news article forwarded to his mail and you suddenly realise at the end of the day that’s you’ve been behind his back all day to accomplish tasks but have not had a real conversation! Of course, it’s another story that despite so much follow-up, he still manages to play truant with you (story of my life right now!)

Needless to say, such interactions can turn into snapping matches especially on days when you are short of patience, escalating into acrimonious exchanges almost bringing the whole house down! It is then incumbent on the “good cop” playing parent to step in and diffuse the situation! Of course, I’m aware that it’s not an uncommon scenario, especially in households with an adolescent under the roof, and I’m sure our parents probably felt the same way and for all you know, years later, you may joke about it over a family dinner with your grown up son or daughter….but it’s far from being a laughing matter now. Well, people say  “Don’t sweat over small stuff” but its only when the stuff is behind you…that you realise it was small stuff..right?

 So Abhay’s foray into adolescence has been a true test of my endurance  and there have been times when I’m wondering if it’s just teenage trouble or the onset of early menopause…a la Kamala Das’s poem titled “Middle age)! I understand that my relationship with Abhay is going through a transition and I do need to hold back my controlling behaviour…..but it’s takes a mammoth amount of self-control not to peep into his room to check on whether he is actually logged into his online class or watching  Youtube football videos…or check for the browsing history on his system …..especially there’s a trust deficit when it comes to Abhay and devices! And of course……he still doesn’t have his own cell phone!!  I wonder if adolescent girls are much more malleable than boys during this phase…..….I will  realize in another five to six years from now! 😊

Anyway, we couldn’t let our love-hate relationship as unpredictable as the weather, cloud Abhay’s birthday celebrations, now could we? A home-bound celebration for our die-hard FC Bayern Munchen fan….creatively represented in this delicious creamy red velvet birthday  cake from bake_mon_rev which was indeed a center piece of the day! 

What a pleasant contrast it was from the previous birthday which was mostly spent in playing the perfect host to Abhay’s school friends. Celebrations during these times are a welcome change, with the focus more on ourselves rather than fussing and hovering around the guests all the time!

Anyway, with the world teeming with child prodigies and kidpreneurs, we have begun to wonder what would our perpetually playful, sensitive, self-entitled, smart-mouthing day-dreamer of a teenager do in his life!!  So on his birthday, I picked out a teasing poem from the magnificent collection of tongue-in-cheek poems titled “Tickle me, Don’t Tickle Me” by Jerry Pinto brought out by talking CUB publications.  This is a book that we bought on a bibliophilic weekend at Bangalore Lit fest last year. Well….don’t know if we will have one this year! 

An anthology specially written for children for “Turbo-loaded, Triple-Charged Children” filled with laugh-out-loud poems, reflective and contemplative poems, poems that seek to ask questions from the perspective of children….there’s even a poem about what happens to children who say that They are Going to fail Their Exams but stand first”!  A little reflection here….and a tit-bit of advice there (though Jerry Pinto will not want to call it that!) and loads and loads of ROFL moments you are guaranteed to experience with the quintessential style of Jerry Pinto with equally zany illustrations by Sunaina Coelho !  

“What do you want to be when you grow to be?” is a quirky poem that best reflects Abhay’s mindset today and here’s an excerpt …. 

(Quote)

I will drive a taxi
In Cotopaxi

I’ll cure disease

With Greatest of ease.                                                                                                           

I’ll dance with joy 
At  the Russian Bolshoi.                                                                                                   

I'll win a Grammy And say, “That’s for Mammy’ (Unquote) (Love this especially!) 

……..

(Quote) I’ll be a watch-maker
Or a lone census-taker
I’ll be a cake baker
Or a verdant lawn-raker

I don’t know yet what I want to do
But whatever I do, what’s it to you?    (They love to say that ..dont they?)
I’ll have you know I’m only ten (Unquote) (or fourteen)
…………..

(Quote)Whatever I’ll be, Let me tell you chappy, 
I plan to be ext-urr-emely happy,

Whatever I will be, 
I will be me.   

(Unquote)

So Abhay…..whatever you want to be….just plan to be extremely happy with who you are and what you do! Here’s wishing you fourteen more adventures this fourteenth year!           A small request however….. go a little easy on your amma! 😊                                                                 

Are you a WOCOTEEN?

I have always thought of parents of adolescent children from the perspective of a poem titled "Middle age" by Kamala Das that we had in our textbooks as a part of our high school syllabus. It's only now that I realize,  as I am one myself, with my older one turning thirteen two weeks ago....that it hardly feels like middle age for me! Of course adolescence lasts for over seven to eight years and this is only the beginning!  But I'm already dreading the words as the poem goes......"Middle age is when your children are no longer your friends, but critics, stern of face and severe with their tongue......they no longer need you except for serving tea and pressing clothes..." (Yikes!!)  While Abhay is still amenable to parental authority,  traces of that "I-know-what-I'm doing” and "leave-me-alone" adolescent attitude have already set in and I can't help feeling as if the worst is yet to come!!  Growing up in Bangalore in the nineties, I remember that one of the biggest questions confronting our parents as we turned teenagers was whether to subscribe to cable TV network (popularly known as Star TV that brought home American sitcoms for the very first time)  or stick to the our good old Doordarshan, and parents skeptical of the influence of "Beverly Hills 90210" or  even home grown serials like "Banegi Apni Baat" on what they believed to be our innocent minds! Cut to almost a quarter of a century later......the challenges faced by our parents now seem trivial and even innocuous, given the paradigm shift in technological-socio-economic-cultural conditions in which we raise our kids today.  At every juncture, we are constantly faced with the question of "How much is too much"  or "When does motivation turn into pressure" or "Is this a necessity as our kid feels or an indulgence as our parents will most probably think" and the ubiquitous nagging question "Should we let go or will it be considered lackadaisical" and so on and so forth.  For instance while the age thirteen is the official entry level for an online presence, be it on Facebook, Instagram or Gmail,  my husband and I are still old school and not yet very comfortable with him having an online social life that we are not a part of....and so it goes...as Abhay puts it....he is the only thirteen year old in the world not to have a cell phone of his own....and I cant help feeling "dejavu" as I remember sulking at being the only girl in class eight who didn't yet have " Star TV" at home !!  

So as a true teenager, the center stage of this year's birthday celebration for Abhay has shifted from the usual mom-organised-cake and sandwich home parties with a few neighbourhood friends to dining  out with school friends  at a fancy restaurant .......and mom and dad required only for the cheque at the end!  So we had over six boisterous boys ride home in the school bus with Abhay, heading straight to a Wii match (again as Abhay puts it.....we are the only ones who don't own a play-station!)  and all the while huddled in his room with non-stop chatter-banter and subjecting the birthday boy to birthday bumps followed by cutting of the custom ordered cake with the icing of Abhay's favourite football club logo - FC Bayern Munchen and dinner at an unlimited all-you-can- eat pizza restaurant as a finale!

The best part for me in all this was the return gift and it goes without saying that the return gifts at Abhay's or Aadya's birthday parties have always been and will be books, books and more books! With all the boys having entered teens already, I couldn't find a better audience than anyone else for Roopa Pai's "Ready! 99 Must have skills for the World Conquering Teenager  (and Almost-Teenager)"! What's more..........their class even had the same author do a session with them for one of her other books in school recently. As the title goes, this book of non-fiction written by one of the most well known writers for children, young adults and parents alike  (one more non-fiction book of hers  is being launched somewhere in Bangalore as I write this! )  published  by Hachette India, and starts off as an Indianised and contemporized spin on the nineteenth century Robert and Agnes Baden-Powell's Scouts and Guides Movement but offers much more for the current  crop of teens to grow into  "World conquering teenagers" or as Roopa Pai cheerily puts it.. a "WOCOTEEN"!    

My first reaction to this book....was envy!!! I felt jealous of the kids today as I wish we had a book like this while growing up in the nineties. Of course we had the Scout/ Guide clubs in most schools then (unlike many schools today), but I felt as if the emphasis was more on the protocol rather than the substance of the scouts and guides philosophy!  

Anyway, packed with over 99 must-acquire life-skills for an overall development of your teenager, with focus on various aspects like personal development from the point of view of health, discipline, creative development (including pointers to pursuing a hobby that may not involve a device!) to being the family man/woman from the perspective of helping out and doing the chores  at home (including the unclog-the-sink challenge or even washing your own undies challenge!) to even bookkeeping or opening your own bank account challenge, etc, or the community awareness element from being a patriot (understanding the importance of the national anthem, national flag or the Indian currency or the explain-India to a foreigner challenge) to being an interpreter (learning a new language or build empathy challenge) or a volunteer for various kinds of community service and finally setting out for the challenges of the great outdoors! Of course the book comes with certain badges and shields at the end to be won by the WOCOTEEN wannabes on completion of all the challenges  but the focus is on the journey more than the destination and what those experiences can build your teen into and the life skills he or she acquires along the way that may shape his/her future path! It's a great book for shared reading and a joint activity for teens and parents of teens  and truly an earnest attempt to impress upon the Generation Z, certain fundamental life philosophies from self-reliance, self-control, self-assurance, motivation, empathy, leadership, and to being mindful and open-minded, all brought out in the quintessential easy-breezy-yet well researched and engaging style of Roopa Pai. Each skill-set comes with its own unique challenges or tests that can be attempted either individually or better in a group......called the WOCOTEEN squad......so  to Abhay and his friends ......are you guys in to form the WOCOTEEN squad of your own and ready to conquer the world...?? :-)

Dearest  Abhay .....enjoy your foray into your teen years  and go easy on your mommy!!!!