Mother's day in lockdown 2.0

Just as we had begun to let our guard down in the assumption of a safer and pandemic-free 2021, it seems like we are back to square one again, with the onset of a deadly second wave of the Covid-19 pandemic. Apart from the concerns of health and safety, every day we are confronted with doomsday-spelling local television channels, horror stories of suffering and the difficulty in finding hospital beds or shocking casualties on account of shortage of oxygen, and countless WhatsApp forwards by self-anointed gurus and life coaches on “what to do and what not to do” during what now seems like a time-warp, with a repeat of the 2020 lockdown era! Amidst all the surrounding doom and being surrounded by the constant fear of falling sick, while being confined indoors with continuous domestic responsibilities, this may hardly be a time a to celebrate Mother’s day…right? 

In fact, it didn’t occur to me until I saw our favourite Independent Book store, Funky Rainbow's FB post on the upcoming “Saturday morning live” Buzzaar with Mother’s day theme, titled “Mum’s the word”! Having moved to my parents’ farm in Dharmasthala over two weeks ago, I got to watch the weekly book recommendations revolving around mothers at the Book Buzzaar with my mother on the eve of mother’s day, and this was indeed special. As is the norm, the second half of Book Buzzaar featured a chat with Dr. Tanu Shree Singh, author, psychology professor, founder of FB group Reading Raccoons, a bibliophile who owns and supports many libraries in Faridabad and Himachal Pradesh (How we would love to visit a library in the hills!) Dr. Tanu Shree Singh drew out words of wisdom from her experience and her book “Keep calm and Mommy on” which was felt like a soothing balm on the harried and hassled minds of mothers who are trying hard to keep it together and retain their sanity especially in these troubled times, and frankly, we couldn’t have asked for a better mothers’ day present! There were a lot of takeaways from the interesting conversation between the unstoppable Vidya Mani of Funky Rainbow who is fondly known as Editoramma and Dr Tanu Shree Singh who was spoke from her professional and personal experience as a mother of two, including how it is impossible and unreal to live up to the expectation of a “supermom” and not to stress too much on excelling as parents as it is an evolving journey with its own highs and lows, laughs and cries, and the key being keeping the line of communication open. No matter what, its never too late to sit back, reset and reboot….and to mommy on..! 

Its also true that we end up empathising with our mothers a lot more than before after having becomes moms ourselves. There may have been times during my own turbulent teen years, (which I swear, was nothing compared to what I am going through now with my teenage son) when I’d sworn never to follow my mom on certain irritant aspects of her parenting approach, only to realise that I have unknowingly turned into my mom on those very aspects! So no matter how old you are…..moms always get to say with glee “I told you so!” 😊 

This year’s mother’s day has been special in the sense that I have been able to spend quality time with her in her unhurried world of nature walks, gardening, reading, online shopping, chanting of shlokas in the evening and of course dishing out delicious ‘oota from our thota” not only for our brood but also for our large farm family (including our farm workers!) Thank you amma for having us over!

On the occasion of Mother’s day, amongst various recommendations from Funky Rainbow, we read “A Saree for Ammi” a Tulika publication by Mamta Nainy and pictures by Sandhya Prabhat. As always, Tulika brings wonderfully nuanced stories from various corners of India showcasing the unique cultural milieu of the place and it people brought out in the story and its characters. This vibrantly illustrated Tulika story comes from a family of weavers in Kota, Rajasthan. Narrated in first person, a little girl watches her mother weave the most beautiful sarees and sell them in the local haat (marketplace) but never don any of them and decides to find out why. The innocent little girl that she is, she is left puzzled with her mother’s reply “If we keep sarees, how will we eat?” So she persuades her sister Sadaf to help her gift their Ammi a sari which had taken Ammi almost a month to weave. From breaking open their gullaks (piggy-banks) to doing odd jobs for Amina Khala, read on as the siblings embark on their heart-warming adventure to fund their special gesture for their loving Ammi! A touching tribute to a child’s love for their hard working mother, beautifully complemented by the illustrations that bring alive the bright hues and designs of the handloom weaves, and vividly portray the environment, community life and culture of the traditional weaving community life in Rajasthan ...... making it a delightful read on Mother’s day! Happy Mother’s day to all the mothers!

Mother's day in lock down!

If there’s anyone on the domestic front who is by far the worst affected by the lock down, it is the mom – be it stay-at-home or part-time/full-time professional – all are in fact working moms! With “stay home stay safe” being the ubiquitous mantra these days….home has turned into a workplace, day-care, summer camp, online-classroom, binge-watching-entertainment centre,  throwback-mythological-drama-driven-holy space, a 24/7 eatery all rolled into one – and who’s still responsible for keeping it together? “Amma..amma” is the constant chatter I hear from my soon to-be-five year old as I try to write this in between finishing up some pending drafts of petitions to be filed as soon as regular courts reopen at the end of the lock down (whenever that is!) As we try to grapple with household chores, cooking, tending to young kids, (with a little help from our spouses of course) while working full time/part time at our third party jobs (at jobs when working from home is possible), blurring the lines that separate work from home thus robbing us of our distinct identities, all of which now seem to merge into one – of that of a lock down mommy!  Personally, motherhood is certainly a joy to take on, but it is also true that motherhood isn’t all of me and I am pretty sure that I don’t want it to be! But I am also a little hesitant to admit it, as our culture elevates mothers to a Goddess-like stature, being the ultimate destination for an Indian woman.  Frankly, I don’t want to be a goddess!  I am only human and I want my own share of ‘bad’ and ‘good’ days as a mommy without having to feel especially guilty about the “bad’ days! On this mother’s day, apart from all the admiration and appreciation for the maternal bond, I wish we could be more tolerant and non-judgemental about the mommy-meltdowns too!

Apart from being moms, most of us women have our own little happy places untouched by our mommy-selves that we cherish – be it work or a certain me-time at home, or a class we enrol into, or a hobby or an activity we take up, or catching up with our own buddies or a yester-year serial /video/book/ dress we watch, read or wear just to feel if “that little girl’ is still in us…don’t we? Now suddenly, we find that the lockdown owing to the COVID-19 pandemic has suspended (albeit temporarily) everything and our own happy place seems to have been invaded by our all-pervading identity of being a “mom”!  I’m not sure if its only me or  is there anyone else who feels the same, if you do, please give a shout-out so that I know I’m not the only weird one! 😊

As I spend the first few hours of mother’s day with my mom at her farm Shristi at Dharmasthala where we travelled to on a two-way inter-district pass in order to pick up our son, Abhay who in his own words has had “the best summer ever” away from home, I now dread having to manage two kids for the rest of the lockdown! For mother’s day in advance, we picked an old favourite (from one of my own happy places Kutoohala) “I love my baby Because…..” a picture book by Paulina Simons and illustrated by Cassia Thomas,  which almost serves as a reminder for us moms as to why we are who we are! This delightfully endearing book beautifully describes the everyday adventures in mommy-hood, the light hearted humour depicted in the illustrations that are quite the opposite of the narration and a realistic portrayal of how things actually pan out when you involve young kids!  It is probably the mommy’s wishful thinking as she says “I Love by baby because ..she dresses herself. She feeds herself breakfast ..”… and as you can imagine, the little girl is shown doing her own version of  “dressing herself and eating breakfast”! The whole day goes by as the little girl “helps’ mommy with the household chores in her own way (Seriously, the mommy in the book is too good to be true!) and despite all the exhaustion, the mother can only feel unending love and warmth as she cuddles her daughter close at bedtime and ends up falling asleep herself! Feels familiar…doesn’t it? Happy mother’s day to all mommies!

Mothers and others!

There’s an old saying that God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers!!!  While this was meant to be appreciative of the unparalleled persona of a mother, it can also be a tad overwhelming, especially in today’s age of super-moms! Of course …being a mother is a huge part of a woman’s identity and there’s nothing in the world that would make her trade places with someone who’s never experienced the joy of motherhood. That said….does motherhood define one’s identity ….may be and may be not!  It’s been almost ten years since I’ve joined the ranks of many women and came to be known as “amma” to my son and  had a dejavu feeling when my was daughter was born last year. As my daughter is slowly getting the hang of calling out my name aloud - “amma” …… I wonder if that is all I will be to them!  No doubt …  I am their mother and they are at a stage where …..“amma” is everything to them, more so with the little one. But I am not sure if I want them to grow up thinking that “amma” is a uni-dimensional figure, ever present and ever ready to make their life as easy as they want it to be! As they grow up, I surely want them to understand that “amma” has her own life or has her own thing going which may not be convenient to them at all times. 

Sometimes I wonder if we moms really need the anointed status of “Supermoms” because we are as flawed as anybody else and just like everybody else…we have our good days and bad days too! Well….I’m not sure if even God meant for mothers to be everywhere or round-the-clock/24-7 care- providers leaving us with very little or no ‘home-life balance’! J

So as a departure from my usual routine on Onestoryaday, I’ve picked up a book meant more for adults than children “Mothers and others” a wonderful compilation on motherhood and more, edited by Jaishree Mishra, brought out by Zubaan publications. This eclectic collection provides an off-beat perspective to one of the most special human relationships - the mother-child bond. With most contributions narrated from the mother’s point of view, this certainly  makes an interesting read and even echoes the sentiments of young moms who find it hard to toe the traditional line, when it comes to parenting. With contributions from well known writers like Shashi Despande, Jahnavi Barua, Manju Kapur, Kishwar Desai (to name a few and my personal favourites) and many more, you realize that motherhood cannot be strait- jacketed into how its represented in mainstream media and films and that there are so many layers and dimensions to it, with its own highs and lows and pain and pleasures. Read on as the books also explores questions of identity, adoption, childlessness, bereavement and loss through the medium of beautifully written essays, stories and poems. Though the stories are essentially for grown-ups,  I did manage to read  to my nine year old, a little from “Eating Baby” by Anita Roy, a hilarious account of a mother transitioning from nursing to feeding her baby solids ( a stage I went through recently and hence could totally relate to ) Though my older one could follow a little, he  couldn’t understand what the fuss was all about!  Well..once in a while,  it's sure okay to set aside the picture books or young reader fiction and read what mommy wants to read right?? Like I said …“amma” has a taste and a mind of her own too! J Happy Mother’s day to all the mommies!    

A Special day for mothers...!

Many wonder ….why do we celebrate Mother’s day?  Well….in a way every day is mother’s day….quite literally in the case of mothers of young kids as it’s tough to get by a single day without mommy around……isn’t it?? Taking a cue from a recent write-up in the Hindu, here’s acknowledging the role of fathers, especially the new age daddies who are not only hand-in-hand in parenting our little ones, but also without whom we wouldn’t be the mothers we want to be! But I feel the pressures of being a mother are a lot different from that of being a father……especially so when I am set to be a mother-to-be the second time around. Right from conception to birth and thereafter, our kids are an inextricable part of our lives in a way that fathers never are. I’ve borne my unborn child for the last eight months.......with an innate awareness that my every step or move will impact him or her in some way (even now wondering if the radiation from the laptop I’m working on will be too much for him or her) and not to mention that the same thoughts would be uppermost for many many years to come. While it is undeniably a moment to rejoice as our little bundle of joy arrives…….it is also unnerving and sometimes even terrifying. At the same time…. as mothers….we are not even allowed to have stray doubts or misgivings about what we’ve gotten ourselves into whereas the society is quite lenient with the dads in that respect. J While mother’s have to constantly battle with guilt whether they are working or stay-at-home moms….it is not even an issue with the fathers. When things go wrong….it’s the mothers who take the blame after which it is fathers’ turn. Even so…as per Indian laws, it is father who is the natural guardian of a child only to be followed by the mother! So in all….is it too much to have one day in year dedicated to mothers???

Anyway, I am at the final stage of my last trimester of my second pregnancy, off late I have been developing what one may call as cold feet over all that I am about to experience in the next few weeks! Yes…motherhood the second time around can be as scary as the first one! Anyhow, on the occasion of Mother’s day, we read “Cloud and Waves” a poem by the most celebrated poet of our country Rabindranath Tagore and art by Sunaina Coelho brought out by Katha publications. This is an endearing conversation between a mother and child wherein the child explains how she resists all kinds of temptations emanating from the clouds in the sky to the ocean waves to  stay back and play with her mother. For instance…as she finds the folks in the waves calling out to her to join IN for they shall sing from morning till night riding on the waves, she turns down the offer as she knows a better game than that ... and is seen saying “I will be the waves and you will be the strange shore….and I shall roll on an on and break upon your lap with laughter…” along with  the illustration beautifully depicting the little child rolling onto to her mother’s lap on their bed…just like waves rushing to shore. The poem is as much a celebration of a child’s imagination as a tribute to maternal bond with the underlying theme being  that for a little child …the mother is his or her universe! Well…it is also the other way around ..isn’t it?? Happy mother’s day to all the mommies and mommies-to-be! 

Moms!!!

Mother's Day is round the corner and I have written enough extolling the pivotal role a mother plays in her child's life and the various hats she dons along the way!! Well, considering that my little one is currently in a "Mad at mommy" phase, let's look at why moms can be annoying at times!! Despite both mom and dad being equally involved in parenting today, by and large, moms are the ones who tend to be more hands-on, all-knowing and most definitely a step ahead of their partners in their parental thinking! After all, it's not for nothing that they put their careers on hold or rather take up more flexible options for the family! So it's no secret that mommies end up being the sous chef, principal dietician, first aid expert and logistics planner, time and activity schedulers ( running the risk of over scheduling) and the most intuitive mind-readers!  So also , mommies tend be the follow-up parent bordering on turning into a nag (in my case being a full-fledged nag), the edgier parent ( a fall out of too much follow-up), the parent who knows you better than yourself, the parent least likely to be prevailed upon and most likely to find it hard to let go! Oops...... I've turned out exactly like my mom!! Of course, as I grew up, I am thankful for the very same qualities that I had once found most annoying! Well, I just hope our little ones understand too!! Happy Mother's Day to all the mommies of the world!!!

"Mother's Day" being a must-post-day on Onestoryaday, guess which book we read today? In association with friend and fellow blogger, Bubbleink writes, I am participating in the treasure hunt of blogs as a part of Mother's Day week on Bubbleink.

 Here are the clues- This is a book by one of our favourite authors most of whose books we've read and loved on Onestoryaday.

The recipient of the prestigious Hans Christian Medal, this UK author has also been awarded the Children's laureate!

This book on moms is very similar in format and style to his other two books, one of which is on the counterpart! 

The book is in a way a tribute to motherhood and a celebration of her multi tasking abilities! The humour lies in how the child perceives the different roles she plays! It starts with the all pervading description of mom being nice ....... a fantastic cook, a brilliant juggler,a great painter ( shown standing in front of the mirror applying make-up), the strongest woman in the world (carrying umpteen  grocery bags)! While mom can sing like an angel, she can roar like a lion too and while is soft as a kitten, she can be tough as a Rhino! The brilliant illustrations convey their own story as  mom's beauty is likened to that of a butterfly, the colours of which metamorphoses into an armchair in turn symbolising the comfort of a mom's embrace!!! There is an acknowledgement of her sacrifice as she chooses to be a mom when she can be anyone she wants! The book ends with an expression of love that will always be the dominant factor between mommy and forever little one!!! Cheers to motherhood!