Gone Grandmother!

Suddenly...she's gone!

The most celebrated member of our household, the senior most member of our entire family and one of the few people who lived to see an entire century unfold in front of her eyes is no more. Our beloved centenarian grandmother, who's hundredth birthday we'd just celebrated earlier this year breathed her last, early this month. While we knew she had lead a  full and fruitful life always surrounded by her near and dear ones down to even the fifth generation of great-great-grandson, and death was a near eventuality, the suddenness of it all still baffles us!  It was meant to be a routine/ precautionary visit to the doctor just before our impending pre-planned travel, followed by hospitalization for administration of drips for a day or two.........little did we realize that it was time for Doddamma's rendezvous with death!

Now that the obsequies and last rites performed by her eight septuagenarian and sexagenarian children are complete, the relatives have left, and everyone has got on with their daily humdrum of life, we miss her a lot, especially in the little things that had been interwoven into our daily routine - during mealtimes we remember pulling out her silver thali along with our steel thalis  or during the daily pooja we'd fondly recall her picking up to beat the traditional 'jagante'  during the 'arathi" or how she would always wheel herself into the makeshift football play area our living room is often turned into, much to Abhay's chagrin, or the sound of her coughing that I could hear from my office that shared the same wall as her room, or when we still end up peeping into her room to wave goodbye while leaving for work.........it would certainly take a while for us to get used to living without our grand old matriarch. Thanks to the love, constant care and sacrifice  of  her primary care givers, viz. her eldest son and daughter-in-law,  our grandmother or "Doddamma" could lead a long and healthy life with such joy and enthusiasm  (even as she was wheelchair bound) that was unmatched and is truly hard to come by in  today's  technology-driven and impatient millennial world!.

Since we were travelling when our doddamma passed away and could not witness the formalities leading up to her cremation, it was hard for us post our return, to fathom  the thought that doddamma is no more! So much so that even now I almost expect doddamma to wheel herself out of the front room at the sound of pooja bell!!  As we got back, my little one roamed all around the house in search of her favourite companion, who'd keep her company in any indoor game or play the patient audience to her funny antics or join in a jagante duet during the Friday evening pooja.. .....  her dodda ajji was nowhere in sight!    

Abhay too fondly remembers his friendly territorial fights with dodda-ajji as he set out play indoors or how he would coax her into listening to him practice his music lessons or how dodda-ajji would always come to his rescue when being disciplined by his parents! Ever since he remembers, Dodda-ajji has always been a big part of his life at home, and now that's she's gone... he too misses her. So I had picked out a wonderful book that throws light on bereavement, especially from the perspective of young children, "Gone Grandmother", a Tulika publication by Chatura Rao and Krishna Bala Shenoi. Nina's grandmother went away before she could say  goodbye. Though the next day and the day after appeared to be the same....in terms of her surroundings, her school and her friends, it felt  different.... ...... as her Nani didn't come back and it was as if she'd disappeared into thin air. When she quizzes her mother as to where has nani gone, her mother replies "to the stars". Just as she tries to figure out as to whether her nani has really gone to the stars or God's home or has in turn become a part of the air we breathe or the soil below, she fondly remembers her times with nani - the general knowledge book that she'd read with her, or listen to Vividh Bharathi with nani while jumping the skipping rope, or recalls some endearing moments exclusive to the grandchild-grandmother bond. She finally realizes that she may never see her nani in her plump-cuddly shape again..... but can find her  nani  shining down at her as the brightest star in the sky! A poignantly narrated  tale that beautifully captures the child's grief and dilemma over the loss of a loved one and how she comes to terms with the same. Abhay liked the author's philosophical take on death of aged grandparents and was touched by the book. Though my little one is too young to understand what happened, or too young to fully grasp dodda-ajji's absence  and may be just too young to probably remember as she grows up, her times with dodda-ajji...... but as of now, her answer to the question"Where is dodda-ajji?" seems to be "Dodda-ajji is with God"!  Rest in peace...dear doddamma! 

Exam Warriors!!

March spells the season of examinations! If you are living in South India,  particularly in Bangalore and you have school going kids, your household is probably under the influence of exam fever or has just recovered from it......either ways it means normal/causal activities around the house are suspended until the last day of the exams, or you are still clearing out the piled-up work/chores that you've pushed until after the exams!  Phew!!! I have always hated exams and now the feeling continues through my son's exams as well!! Did our parents exhibit the same paranoia that we seem to go through every time our not-so-little ones have exams or are we overdoing it....??  Imagine, there was a time when we used to exchange notes about how much each one of us has studied and now, thanks mommy whatspp groups, we now get to nervously exchange notes about how much portions each of our kids (read mommies) has covered! A not-so-pleasant dejavu feeling..right?!! And in all this.... nobody could be more causal about than our kids themselves.....who's only answer for how did the exam go is ....'easy-peasy lemon squeezy"!!!

One of the self-help exam books doing the rounds is our Prime Minister Narendra Modi's "Exam Warriors" by Penguin Publications. I'm not a great fan of self help books, but this one surely got me interested. True to his quintessential style of conveying messages through one liners and on the lines of his monthly "Man ki Baat",  Prime Minister Narendra Modi delves into what an exam actually means and how to deal with it and master it without losing your mind. Well, the book does not give out any magic mantra as there is none, but it's in the understanding and internalizing everyday common sense wisdom that we are aware of but seldom take it seriously or put it to practice. Starting with comparing exams to festivals as both involve preparations to their run-ups, thereby making it celebration-worthy, the author presents simple ideas on how one's approach to exams must be - from the awareness of "how exams test only your current preparation and not you" to "not being only exam oriented but pursuing knowledge' or "developing your own style and method for your own exam' or "be wise and revise" ...where he in fact gives a blueprint for how to compose a mind map of a particular topic in syllabus (which really helped us!), or how cultivating simple exam discipline matters, and finally how to be grateful to all the people (known and unknown) who help you through this phase, from parents and teachers to even the subordinate school staff like bus  drivers, ayaahs, or the shopkeeper who sells you stationery.....(Frankly, how many of our kids think of thanking the school sub-ordinate staff?) Replete with catchy phrases ( "Don't be a worrier be a warrior", "It's cheap to cheat" , "The Present is God's greatest present, live here and now"," Aspire not to be but to do"), suitable illustrations and with colourful tear-aways including thank you cards for kids to use, the book also leaves you with a few Yogasanas and Breathing techniques to relax your way through exams!!  So exams are just one of many challenges in life......all the best!!!

School days...school days...those golden rule days!!!!

The month of June signals the start of a new academic year in most parts of India.  New academic year brings with it new friends, rivals, teachers and challenges (not necessarily in the same order!). As my nine year old steps into grade five, I can’t believe that he is already into middle school (or is it considered middle school from the sixth grade…I’m confused!)! With school work, home work/studies, assessment and grading system getting tougher with each passing year….it’s time  to pull up one’s socks and get serious……and mind you….it’s not just the child but also his or her parents who now need to be all the more involved in school work and studies. Plus there’s always growing up pangs with each phase of growing up throwing up new issues and quirks to handle and deal with……there’s never a moment in parenting, now…..is there?? J

Going to fifth grade also means transition into tween years and the way time flies …what do you know…within a year or two, he’ll be stepping into the dreaded adolescence! J Anyway…we always pick a book for the start of the new academic year and this time we’ve been reading two books  and both are connected through our current favourite author, Ruskin Bond…..of course! The first  “Whistling School boy and other stories of school life” written by Ruskin Bond which I have just featured in my previous post and another “The Puffin Book of classic school stories”, a compilation edited by Ruskin Bond. Isn’t it such a treat not only to be reading your favourite author but reading the favourite stories of your favourite author!?? 

This compilation comprises of excerpts from famous works from David Copperfield,   Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Jane Eyre that revolve around school adventures or misadventures of the protagonists, extracts from acclaimed school story classics like “Tom Brown’s School days” by Thomas Hughes and E.R.Braithwaite’s “To Sir with Love” to home grown school stories from R.K.Narayan’s immortal Swami and his friends and boarding school escapades of Rusty by Ruskin Bond. While most of the stories are set in the previous century, it’s amazing to see how these stories continue to appeal to the school goers today…a hundred years later. Still a work in progress in so far as our reading is concerned, these stories beautifully capture the various aspects of school life…friendships, resistance to authority, formation of secret clubs and societies, impressing fellow classmates and probably even teachers, rivalries and fights, examinations and competitions…..all those golden moments of care free school days! Though the language and narrative of some of the works may be a little challenging for a nine year old to read on his own, these time enduring school stories make for fantastic family story times…not just for a nine year old! Well….as Ruskin Bond mentions in his foreword that the purpose of this anthology is justified if any of these extracts make the reader pick up some of the classics from where they are taken…..these stories not only make you want to go back to reading those classics…but also in a way go back to school!! Have a great academic year ahead everyone!! 

Gender - Degender!

First appeared on Parent Edge blog

Every year around this time, we find numerous write-ups and discussions in the media, symposiums and talks in educational institutions, and musical/cultural events revolving around what has now become an extremely symbolic ‘Women’s day’!  Why….even retailers and restaurateurs have jumped into the bandwagon and are offering ‘women only’ offers and happy hours!  While symbolism is important to make a statement and it was indeed a proud feeling watching the women legislators dominate the Lok Sabha session today, what really matters is to see if we can sustain the same momentum, in other areas as well. While celebrating our differences from men on one hand, and striving for gender equality on the other, as a way forward, it is but most significant to break free from gender stereotypes, gendered perceptions and gender based double standards. Why is it that no matter how successful a woman is in her professional capacity, she is still judged on the basis of how much of ‘nurturer’ she is towards her family? Why is it that a woman is expected to be a superwoman when men will be men? Why should it matter as to whether it’s a man or a woman who is driving the vehicle ahead of you? Why is it that no matter how brilliant a girl has been as a student, she is more often than not,  expected to stick to a family-friendly 9 to 5 job ? Apart from certain intrinsic differences between men and women…it’s all about individual choice and freedom isn’t it …and what’s gender got to do with it? Here's extending  this year's International Women's day theme 'One day I will'  to..........One day gender will not matter!

As parents, we owe our children the responsibility to see to it that they neither perpetuate nor feel fettered by gender barriers so as to achieve a more egalitarian society that we are all hoping for.  On the occasion of Women’s day, we picked up “Big Hero size zero” a thought provoking book by Anusha Hariharan and Sowmya Rajendran brought out by Tulika publications that seeks to shatter the societal and cultural shackles associated with gender. With its main focus on gender talk, this book also addresses various issues faced by adolescents relating to identity, peer pressure and feelings of alienation and rebellion against family, etc. Since Abhay is still on the cusp of his ‘tween’ years and he was still too young to comprehend some issues, reading this book is still a work in progress. Meant for the teenage drama kings and queens aged thirteen and above, this work of non-fiction comprehensively deals with the role of gender vis-à-vis family, society, appearances, attraction, violence and finally how each one of us deals with gender, which is nothing but an identity assigned to us by the society as opposed to sex which is an identity determined at birth. The authors attempt at challenging labels that the society in general ascribes  to how a man and a woman ought to be, including our own biases that we never knew existed or even every-day language that reveals gender biased phrases. This book flows like a candid conversation on gender issues, including the tabooed transgender and same sex relationships that are often caricatured in the mainstream culture.  “What’s the point in earning if she can’t cook for her husband?” or “Scantily dressed women should expected to be raped?” or “A bold and aggressive woman is not marriage material” are some of the comments that are often bandied around as if they represent solemn truths and this book is a bold endeavour to question such prejudices. With a breezy yet powerful narrative, frequent references to popular culture and accompanied by illustrations that parody gender stereotypes within the family and society, this book raises important questions, busts long held myths and confronts many truths and untruths that makes not just the young reader, but even adults think and reflect on whether it’s really a boy-girl thing! Happy Women's day to everyone! 

Meet Abhay's sister!

Our second bundle of joy arrived a couple of weeks ago and our little family now seems complete with the arrival of a baby girl!   In a way .. all babies look alike... and for now Abhay's sister looks exactly like a miniature Abhay when he was just born!  Though the whole experience felt like "dejavu" .....the initial few days post delivery are just as perplexing as they were the first time around. More so.... when everyone including yourself expects to understand why something is happening ... as if having had a baby before makes you an expert on babies! Invariably you can't help comparing and complaining that "this was not the case the first time.... or "this didn't happen with my first born"!  Abhay too seems to be curious to know if he was doing the same things as his sister seem to be doing... and any reported difference is taken as a compliment! :-) Anyway, despite the initial disappointment at his unfulfilled wish for a brother, Abhay now can't keep his hands off his baby sister.... wanting to hold her, hug her... and kiss her in what he terms as an affectionate  way... the prospect of which can be annoying at times! Abhay is comfortable being addressed as the big brother and is in a way relieved to find out that his baby sister is hardly a threat he'd reckon she'll be.... as all she does is ( in his words) "crying...nursing...sleeping...":-)

On the occasion of arrival of his baby sister, we had Abhay read "Neha, my sister" a NBT publication by Madhu B Joshi and illustration by Partha Sengupta. Preethy wakes up to learn that her mother is in hospital and it is her father who helps her get ready for school. In school, she worries about her mother's health when her teacher, Suman Ma'am assures her that her mother is alright and is in the hospital as she is due to deliver a baby. In fact her friend Salil joins in and confirms that his mother too came home from the hospital with a baby brother at which Minu complained that the same thing did not happen when her granny was admitted in the hospital! As she is picked up by her father from school... she is overjoyed to know that her mother has given birth to a baby girl and she can't wait to see her baby sister. As they visit the hospital in the evening, Pretty is smitten by her baby sister's small pink face, tiny black face and her toothless smile! So do her friends when they meet her a week later as Preethy's mom and sister are brought home. As days pass, Preethy beautifully takes over the role of a 'didi' (elder sister) and helps out her mother in taking care of her baby sister Neha. As her didi swings her in her cradle, accompanied with a soft lullabye....baby Neha is seen slowly falling asleep with a serene smile on her face! Though a little basic in terms of text and illustrations, this book makes an ideal read for welcoming a new baby in the household. Of course... I only wish that in reality... things are as hunky-dory as they appear in the book!:-)

Waiting... Soon to be over!

After years of dilemma we finally took a call leading up to the nine month wait that is all set to culminate soon! Now that the D –day is set…and the wait is over….we are finally here. Frankly…I don’t mind the wait as I know what to expect when it is over and not exactly looking forward to the initial drudgery!:-) Though it appears as if we are more prepared than we were with our first one…..there seem to be more butterflies in my tummy now than the first time around. More so, with my older one who is at a transitional age and is being over-sensitive to the fact that these are his last couple of days as the only child and things are going to change….for life! Well…..he is not happy that he won’t be around the new baby as soon as it is born or as much as he wants…as the hospital has strict policy against admitting children below the age of twelve. Abhay believes that as an older brother…it is his birth right to be the first one to hold the newborn and is all set to play with the newborn! I can’t blame him as  I too have already been thinking of all the books that we can revisit and relive my childhood once again …. So it’s probably time for two stories a day….??? J

As a final read before I take a break post the new arrival…..we read the very charming “Waiting for Gregory” by Kimberly Willis Holt and paintings by Gabi Swiatkowska. A young Iris is excited as she is soon going to have a cousin brother to be named Gregory. But when exactly is Gregory going to be born? Each person from her daddy to wise old Mr.Connor gives her a different answer. While her father’s rather cryptic answer “ Soon …but not too soon”,  her grandmother’s belief that it will be when the cabbage in the garden is large enough to make soup for everyone and her friend’s rather confidant declaration that Gregory will arrive when her aunt’s belly is as big as a Jack-O-lantern….all this leaves her confused until her mother assures her that everyone is a little bit right. But Iris cannot wait any longer …she wants to be able to show Gregory how to make a snow angel but the last snowfall melts…..she wants to show him how to swim, but summer vacation ends and swimming pool closes. Finally autumn arrives and so does Gregory. As they prepare to visit Gregory, Iris’s excitement knows no bounds and she can’t wait to teach him how to fish… build the biggest snowman, or show him how to roll down the hill… only to find that little Gregory may be bigger than a huge cabbage but he is still too tiny to do all the things she had planned. Though Iris is disappointed that she has to wait longer, she realizes there are a lot many things she can do ….like push him in a stroller, play peek-a-boo and sing him her favourite songs. Soon, but not too soon Gregory will be waiting for her. The story is aided by spectacular water colour illustrations that transport the reader to an Elizabethan like time frame which forms the backdrop to this delightful masterpiece.

So here we are waiting for our little Gregory (boy or girl) who may be too small to play with its older sibling or for all the books we want to read. But here’s to looking forward to revisiting for the second time …the first moments of joy …hopefully this time with double excitement as we’ll reliving those moments through the eyes of my elder one! 

Will it be a baby brother??

As everyone is probably aware…………since fetal sex-determination is against the law in India….expectant parents will have to wait until the D-day arrives for them to find out if it’s a son or a daughter. Of course….even abroad …one may always choose not to find out and wish to keep it a surprise…but having lived in the US for couple of years sometime ago and having seen many of my friends go down this road, I can’t help but envy the mothers who are well aware of whether to pick out the blues or the pinks! J

Anyway, Abhay may have warmed up to the idea of being an older brother (Well….its about time..isnt it??),  however he continues to squirm at the oft repeated question “Do you want a brother or a sister?”  Though he has always had a definite answer to this question ….he has come to realize that whatever be his response ….there is always a follow-up question of “Why not the other?” which he is quite frankly tired of! Well….as it is he has had mixed feelings about being displaced from his current status of being “only kid” in the household …..now he is expected to justify why he wishes for a baby brother and not a sister?? Hmm….that’s too much! No wonder….his current response to “Do you want a brother or a sister?” ……..is the jaded “whatever!” J

While most of us are hoping for a girl this time as it will offer the best of both the worlds, there are times when I admit to preferring a boy over a girl simply because it will treading onto what I may call “known territory”!  Wouldn’t it be nice to have both our boys pile on the older one (my husband!) …instead of each parent being responsible for their own tribe?? J

Anyway, I couldn’t have found a book more similar to the situation at home and all thanks to a relative who yielded to our last minute request to have brought a couple of books over from the US.

As the cover explains it all ………“Will it be a baby brother” by Eve Bunting and illustrated by Beth Speigel is a nice little picture book that makes an ideal read for kids expecting a new arrival in their household. Young Edward is all set to be a big brother and his parents have already shortlisted names “James” if it’s a boy and “Sara” if it’s a girl!  But Edward is quite clear …any day he prefers James over Sarah. As his grandma prepares to knit a nice little sweater for the little one to come, and though they settle for a gender neutral yellow…he prefers blue! Edward is not to be persuaded into picking out something for a possible sister at his mother’s baby shower thrown by her friends.  When Edward is asked what if the baby turns out to be a sister…..then to everyone’s surprise Edward has a plan …to give the baby to his aunt Elizabeth! As months progress…..Edward feels even more strongly about wanting a boy and fills the baby’s crib with his dump truck, cowboy hat, baseball mitt! But as the day finally arrives ….Edward peers into the hospital crib ….only to find an adorable baby looking up at her big brother……and then he cant help but declare “There’s no way I’m going to give our baby to aunt Elizabeth!” As we’ve read this book many times over….I have been carefully observing Abhay’s reaction in the end…only to find out that he’s been doing the same with me…….  as he asks “Amma …… will the same thing happen to us?” After all this waiting ......it's now my turn to say  ……….“whatever”!! J

The impending new arrival!

The last few months have been like a roller coaster ride with a “dejavu” like situation on the personal front …..that almost has us turn the time backwards to eight years ago when we first embarked on our journey to parenthood!  While I thought I could safely hang on to “been there and done that”….. I had not anticipated  that the eight year gap comes with its own set of physical and mental/emotional complications……and not to forget the added pressure of being mindful of the  huge impact  it would have on the soon to be elder brother at home! While I can’t say that Abhay is excited but is rather is unsure and insecure about being displaced from his coveted status of being the only kid in the house! Well…can’t blame him as for quite some time now…even we believed he would be the only kid in the house!!! J

Though there are several children's books available that deal with announcing the impending arrival of a new baby at home, I could lay my hands on a couple of them. There’s “Baby on Board” by Kes Gray and Sarah Nayler  which gives a month-on-month account of the growth of the baby in mommy’s tummy accompanied by the attendant changes in and around the household. This is a book for kids who are all gung-ho about becoming the elder sibling and cant wait to see the new baby! However with things being quite the opposite at home (Abhay would rather not talk about it!)… I found “There’s going to be a baby” by John Birningham and Helen Oxenbury ideal. This book features a rather nervous kid who is unsure as to what to expect when his mother announces that there’s going to be a new baby at home. The soon-to be elder brother is seen a little anxious as he wonders how will the baby be and even asks his mother if she can make the baby go away as they don’t really need the baby! Through-out her pregnancy, the mother wonderfully engages her eldest born in a conversation almost everywhere they go…..about what do they think the baby will grow up to be……a chef in a restaurant, or an artist, a doctor, a sailor or keeper at the zoo! As the mother throws in her ideas, her older child is seen imagining what the baby might do in each of those professions that echoes his true sentiment about the baby and his jaded responses follow suit – when he vows not eat anything that the baby bakes or not letting the baby make a mess of the house with the paint, or not wanting to have the baby treat him when he’s sick or hoping to be the captain on the baby’s boat and finally wondering if the baby will get eaten by a tiger at the zoo (ouch!…. that’s a nasty one!) But as the day nears…..the boy is shown warming up to the idea of a baby sister or a brother ….and the story ends with the boy accompanying his grandpa to the hospital  eager to see and love the new baby! So here’s hoping the same transformation in Abhay too…sometime in the end of May when it will probably be the time for the new arrival in our household! J

 

 

 

Cloudland!

The last few days has seen Bangalore experience some kind of a preview of the oncoming monsoon with overcast skies and briefs spells of rain. Just as we begin to rejoice in the transition into cooler days, the sun shines down in all its brilliance and bristling heat…..as if the clouds were only a teaser! J If you think about it, cloudy days have a lot to offer - they make your commute to work or commuting to different locations a lot tolerable without the oppressive heat,  cloudy days can hand out an excuse for your little one to walk in to school in coloured clothes as his school uniform has not dried in time and of course …cloudy days make you want to bunk office and sit by the window or your balcony curled up with a book (lucky if you are actually able to do this!)  At times.......the anticipation of rain is better than the rain itself..isn’t it??

 

I'd picked up this book for its title but found it to be deeper in essence and meaning. Cloudland by John Birmingham not only makes a delightful read but throws up some philosophical questions about death and afterlife in such a subtle manner that it may almost be lost on your young reader as he finds himself enchanted by its dreamy theme and captivated by its brilliant and imaginative illustrations. Albert and his parents hike high up to the mountains with clouds floating below them! As they decide to head back before dark, there occurs a terrible accident-Albert falls off the cliff! His parents look all over for him but cannot find him. But as Albert falls, he is rescued by the children living in the clouds chanting magical words that sound like  "Fumble gralley goggle ho hee, Teetum waggle bari se nee, Gargle giggle fiddle num dee" and so on and so forth! Albert suddenly feels lighter when the Cloud children offer to make him a bed of clouds on which he is seen falling asleep. Albert along with the cloud children embarks on new adventures every day encircling the clouds, like climbing up the tall clouds, jumping on them and playing cloud ball,  beating drums and blowing trumpets in their attempt to match up to the noise of thunderstorms, soaking in the rain, painting pictures by a  beautiful rainbow, racing on little clouds amidst the airplane flying above their heads, etc Albert was literally in cloud 9!  But one night as he looked down from his cloud bed, he saw lights of a city and this made him think of his mom and dad and wished he could go home! As the word spread,  the Cloud queen finds it surprising as no one has ever wanted to go back home after having lived in the clouds. But as Albert is determined, the Cloud queen treats Albert to a farewell party with the Man in the Moon. The Cloud queen has the clouds drift over the city where Albert lived and sends off Albert chanting the magical words backwards. The next thing Albert remembers is that he is back in his own room waking up to his mom and dad! So was it a just a dream or heralding a new beginning?? The main appeal of this book lies in the illustrations - John Birmingham's black and white figures set against photographic images spin a magical tale that can either be taken as-it-is or for its underlying meaning. Overall, a great book to mull over clouds, imaginary adventures, life and beyond with your young reader!

Confessions of a father!:-))

Father's Day post by Rajaram (Abhay's dad)

 

Kids find it easier to deal with dads of today as compared to moms and I will tell you why! No offence moms! While both go through stress in bringing up their kids, the stress that each parent goes through is different in nature and intensity! While moms do all the hardwork of planning the activities including logistics for their kids, working through the schedule of the husband's and others around, dads carry the stress of complying with the same! More often than not, the onus of chalking out a workable plan lies on the moms and their anxiety over its execution reflecting on their behaviour make the dads appear cooler!:-)) Okay.... Getting carried away here! :-)) One thing's certain, what starts off as a chore for dads ends up being one of the most enjoyable parts of their routine! For instance, when my son Abhay was born, my wife literally forced "my time-Abhay time" into my daily schedule as a way of getting me to spend some quality time with our little one! Along time, not only did I look forward to it, but found my son eagerly pulling me into what became our numerous joint ventures together! Today on Father's Day, I had a moment reflection on seeing a card handcrafted by  Abhay, where he has thanked me for some of his recent expeditions! It's great to be a dad ... a smile on your child's face or a hug seeking reassurance makes all your running around a meaningful and a worthwhile experience! 

 

 

 

Divya had picked a special book for today to read to Abhay.  It's titled 'FArTHER', brilliantly written and magnificently illustrated by Grahame Baker-Smith. This is a story narrated by a son about his memories of his childhood spent with his father in their house made of stone atop a cliff near the ocean.  Father is set out to build his dream which is a flying machine. He worked on it days and nights and the small son would watch the father with keen eyes. Father would be so immersed in his dream/work, that the boy would wait for his dad to remember of his existence.  Then suddenly the father would scoop up the son like a wind and play with him cricket, fly kites together and swim. Then they would be together until the dream of flying returned to them. But before the dad could realise the dream of flying,  the story takes a twist of fate. The father is called to join the army and the khaki clad dad's wave of hand is the last the son sees of him. However one day, father's dream speaks to the now grown up son and he takes up the old wings from his father's workshop and completes the flying machine and flies!! The story ends with the son having his own son and with him wondering what will he do in the future and whether his father's dream would visit his son too...

The illustrations literally take you to a different world of father, son and the dreams!  The book is said to be inspired by the author's experience of being a son and a father.  Abhay was in rapt attention throughout and was trying to take in the essence of the story though being tough for a 7 year old to follow and understand the deep emotions in this book. He did not like the father going away and not coming back but liked the overall father son bonding so nicely depicted throughout.

 

The Unboy Boy!

 Though as a generation, we have managed to challenge certain gender stereotypes, we’ve not been able completely break free from them and at times we do unknowingly tend to orient our kids towards perpetuating the same. For instance, though not overly concerned that my seven year old Abhay has never been the “outdoorsy” type from the beginning, I can’t say that I have never indulged in comparisons between Abhay and some of his male cousins who seem kinesthetically more active. Not sure if it’s his basic nature, conditioning or level of stamina, Abhay seems naturally drawn to drawing, books and legos rather than sports and other physically driven activities. While I am not complaining, I confess there have been times when I have been guilty of being insensitive with a “Why are you acting like a girl?” when Abhay obviously upset has shot back “Amma, I am a boy and always a boy”!! Touche my little one!:-)

 

So when author and blogger Richa Jha mailed me two of her recently released picture books around December last year, “The Unboy boy” truly resonated with Abhay! Apart from books on imaginary anthropomorphic characters slaying monsters or age old fables strung into a limerick or multi-cultural folk based stories, once in while you wish you could read something that features everyday situations or day-to-day issues that kids can easily relate to. “The Unboy boy” is one such book that not only does just that but also beautifully conveys a message without being too preachy. We loved the story and its narrative laced with underlying humour, the real-life like characters and their quirks and have read  the book many times over and each time there’s something new we discover in the illustration, almost as if it were a “look and find’ adventure of our own! Thanks Richa for this wonderful book!

 “The Unboy boy” by Richa Jha and Gautam Benegal  brought out under the banner of  snugglewithpicturebooks.com is a delightful read about a boy named Gagan who unlike other boys preferred drawing and reading to fist fights and playing pranks, cared about ants when other boys gleefully stomped on them, took his teddy “Bingo” for the 'Show and Tell ' at class, or cried listening to grandpa’s battle and war stories – all this earned Gagan unenviable names like “Scaredy Cat", “Mousey”, “Baby girl” amongst his friends and even a “Chooha” (Hindi word for mouse) from his grandpa. Many attempted to ‘transform” Gagan from an Unboy boy to a Boy boy, but failed as Gagan was perfectly at ease with who he was, with occasional bad days when the teasing and name calling upset him. On those days he turned to his mother, wondering if he really was a boy to which his mother  always consoled him saying that he was loveliest and gentlest boy ever making her proud! ( Something for Abhay's mom to emulate!) Gagan then slept soundly and dreamed about flying as a Superman with Bingo by his side as the superdog!  But something happens at the year’s annual summer camp that changes the way everyone looks at the “Unboy” boy! Does Gagan actually get to live his dream of the “Superboy” that he really is ….. ? Read on to find out about Gagan’s unboy-turned superboy adventure!  It doesn’t matter if you fit in or you don’t as long as you are comfortable with who you are!  So if you or your little one seems be ill at ease about not fitting in……. “The Unboy Boy” is a book that’ll fit in perfectly for you!  :-)

The Big Enormous lie!

Continuing on the trouble with/of Abhay’s, my my last post on the said subject got me into trouble instead, with gag orders being issued by my family over my tendency to open up a little too much on Onestoryaday!:) Anyway, almost all parents have come across a situation where they’ve caught their kids lying or being dishonest with them. Needless to say, such behavior has to be tackled with appropriate measures, disciplinary or advisory given the seriousness of the situation. Without going into details, let me say that we’d encountered a similar problem recently. Initially brushed aside as innocent, we soon realized that laxity leads to more lying! So we decided to take it seriously and go to the root of the matter. Children lie to escape from accountability or in other words punishment. But the solution does not only lie in making the environment more permissive but also in periodic reinforcements of value based principles of truth and honesty. They need to realize that whether they are held accountable or not, lying will get them nowhere! After all, you may escape from consequences but not your conscience…isn’t it?

 

I understand that these values cannot be imbibed in a one-off incident but achieved only by consistent reinforcement of the same. As a start, I picked up "A Big Fat Enormous Lie" by Marjorie Weinman Sharmat and illustrated by David McPhail. A little boy lies to his father that he isnt the one to finish the jar of cookies (our problem is quite the opposite!). He knows that he should have told the truth but also knows that the truth would have upset his parents! So he lies and now he is stuck with his lie. His guilt of having lied grows into a green monster that only gets bigger and bigger! No matter how much he ignores, begs, pleads or hides from the monster, it doesn't go away! Finally as he overcomes his fear and admits the truth to his parents, the monster is seen shrinking in size until it eventually disappears into thin air, leaving the boy to wonder if it has left to bother another little liar half way around the world! So Abhay beware, the next time you toss chapattis from your lunchbox into the dustbin and claim to have finished them yourself, you may just be hounded by the big fat enormous monster! 

 

 

 

One and only!

I am an only child and was one of the very few only children in my class at school. People would ask me if I didn’t miss having a sibling and frankly I didn’t! Though one could argue that I had no frame of reference or an idea what life would have been had there been a sibling, I don’t remember ever having pestered my mother for a sibling (Correct me if I am wrong….amma!) Anyway, I was an only child at a time when “single children” were an aberration!  Today there are a lot more parents making that choice! Well, Abhay is an only child…(at least so far!) and I find the whole world offering me unsolicited advice on why he can’t do without a sibling! One, two or more children, that is a decision best left for the parents themselves. Of course, there have been a few occasions when Abhay has wondered why he doesn’t have a brother or a sister like some of his friends, and that is but natural. But that doesn’t mean I am to explain myself to everybody right from nosy acquaintances to my maid as to why Abhay is the only child!  In so far as how they turn out as adults, rest assured that they are as self-involved, sociable, flexible or inflexible as anybody else with siblings. It’s not just research, but also experience ….hey! I turned out fine, now didn’t I? J

Well, jokes apart, while it may be true that single children do not enjoy the company of a sibling when growing up, it is also true that single children grow up a lot more independent and comfortable being all by themselves basking in their solitude, which may not always be the case with children growing up with siblings. So when I found this book recommended by the Hillsboro children’s book newsletter (Yes……I still subscribe to it!), I had this one sent in by a relative returning from the US. “One of a kind’ by Ariel S. Winter and illustrated by David Hitch is a hilarious take on the “single child misgivings” that one might have. Of course, this book does poke fun at twins…just as the “onlies” might find themselves in the spot for being sibling-free! This is a story of Lysander Singleton, who as the surname suggests is the only  “only child” in Twin Oaks Elementary, a school full of twins. No matter how hard Lysander tried, he couldn’t fit in with everyone else who had a twin studying in the same class, sitting at the same desk and Lysander being the only one sitting alone at his desk! But when it was time for the annual Twindividuaton competition, a day-long event meant to encourage individuality, Lysander finally had his chance. First all the twins were separated and were given non-matching uniforms. With no sibling to be individuated from, Lysander expected to be left out but he soon discovers that he is much in demand. At each round, the twins separated from their siblings struggled to perform solo…be it at a choral performance, or at creative writing on “what makes you unique from any other person, including siblings" or the Isolated Ice cream enquiry where the children each choose from forty-five ice cream flavours without the benefit of a sibling consultation (very funny!)   or the one-man relay, whereas Lysander had no trouble at all! In fact Lysander was used to carry a tune on his own, tackled the written essay with finesse and even chose his “Monkey Butter Chocolate chip” in a record setting 15 seconds! When the scores tallied, no prizes for guessing who the winner was! Lysander was the proud winner of the “Simondon-Stiegler” cup, the individual award for individuality and realized that he was after all, proud to be the only “only child” in Twin Oaks Elementary! So here's to Abhay and every other single child…sibling or no sibling….be proud of your own unique self and remember you will always be “one of a kind” for your parents! J

Winners never quit!

Over the last weekend, we had Abhay participate in a music/singing competition at the instance of his music teacher. Organized by the Swananda Balaganapathi Temple Trust, this was an annual event for children of all ages to display their talents in the field of art, music and dance. Well, we had no idea that such a Trust or such an event even existed until we landed there on a quiet Sunday afternoon for the singing contest. Had we known about the painting/colouring contest held earlier that morning, we would have spent our entire Sunday at the contest venue (According to my husband, ignorance is bliss!) Anyway, we drove to Kuchalambal Marriage hall in Jayanagar (the venue) and found over a hundred kids waiting along with their parents to register for the contest!  So there we were waiting in line at the Class I & II category (as Abhay is in class II), only to be let in to the performance room just when it was Abhay’s turn to sing, as if it were auditions for Indian Idol junior! :-) If I was feeling guilty for being what I call an over-enthusiastic parent, I could take heart as there were a whole lot of them, and what’s more, they were worse off! More than the participants, parents seemed edgy and restless. Despite being given a token number, it was the parents who thronged the entrance thereby blocking the other participants whose turn it actually was! We almost missed ours as we couldn’t hear the organizer call out “No.11”!  Anyway, Abhay was allowed in with one parent and he did sing his bhajan on Lord Ganesha well, though I felt he could have been a little louder. Once he was done, Abhay felt good about singing to a group of unknown people with fairly appreciative smiles! Well, the results came out the next day by mail and Abhay didn't make the final cut. I admit, I was a bit disappointed as I have always believed Abhay to be a good singer. That said, it was indeed a great start for Abhay who had never participated in any event like this before. It may sound like sour grapes, but I guess there are times when it doesn’t matter whether your little one has won or lost, as winning is not everything and the sooner we parents acknowledge the same, it is better for them! 

Abhay was a tad disappointed that he didn’t win any prizes at the competition but soon forgot about it as he got on with his other activities for the day. Hoping he wouldn’t be discouraged by this, I looked up the internet for some books that may inspire him to keep at it. Of course, if there was an American public library in the vicinity, all I had to do was a catalogue search and place a request. For people who do not have ready access to all American publications, it’s Youtube to the rescue! Ideally I would have loved to read ‘Song of middle C” by Alison Mcghee, a story about a little girl’s piano recital not going as expected, but I couldn’t find an online version of the same. But I found a digital link for nice little book titled “Winners never quit” by Mia Hamm.  Mia loved basketball and baseball, but most of all, she loved to play soccer with her brother and sister. She was thrilled when people cheered as she scored a goal but when there was no goal, there was no cheering. On one occasion, when she couldn’t score a goal, she feels dejected and decides to quit soccer altogether earning the title of “quitter” amongst her siblings. When everyone continues to play without her, Mia can’t resist joining in when her brother is skeptical of taking in players who cant learn to lose. But finally when Mia gets chosen to play and kicks the ball right into the goalie’s hands, everyone expects her quit. Mia who hates losing, realizes that she doesn’t hate losing as much as she loves playing. Mia continues to kick the ball hard and whether she did score a goal or she did not, she was playing which was more important than winning or losing!  So Abhay...dont worry about winning or losing as long as you continue what you love and enjoy doing! A wonderful book to teach your little one about courage and sportsmanship!

Geetha-atte's parting gifts!

 Ever since our beloved aunt Geetha-atte passed away during the third week of January, we were in mourning for a period of 12 days that culminated in a ceremony performed yesterday when the entire family said their final goodbyes to her departed soul.  Life goes on...people move on….. times change…while what remains are memories! So as we try to get on with our normal day-to-day routine, there will still be some things that bring her back to life, in our minds – be it her water bottle that mysteriously finds its way into our kitchen reminding us how she never failed to remind us to have it filled every night, or while savouring her favorite sweet/dessert, or remembering her bold and cheeky comments that she  so was famous or infamous for or stumbling upon "Sankara TV", her favorite channel on television – all of those being Geetha-atte’s parting gifts.

Ever since her demise, I have been on the look-out for children’s books on bereavement and ordered this off flipkart which arrived just as we returned home after performing her last rites as if to mark the end of her time with us. “Badger’s parting gifts” by Susan Varley is a beautiful story about the loss of a friend and coming to terms with it. Badger, a much loved friend of all the animals in woodland was so old that he knew he would soon die. As Badger goes down the long tunnel (which is how dying is shown), his friends, Mole, Frog, Fox and the Rabbit are overwhelmed by the loss as Badger was always there when they needed him. As the winter sets in, the whole woodland is covered in snow as if to signify the sorrow all the animals felt over Badger’s death. As spring drew near, each of his friends remembers Badger for what he had taught them. Mole recalls how Badger introduced him to paper cutting; Frog fondly remembers how Badger guided him into becoming an excellent skater he is today; Fox is grateful to Badger for learning to knot a tie and Mrs. Rabbit owes her delicious gingerbread recipe to Badger! As the last of the snow melts, so does the animal’s sadness which make them also remember other stories about Badger that bring smile on their faces.  Finally, on a warm sunny day, Mole walks to hillside where he last met Badger and thanks him for his parting gifts believing that Badger would hear him….and Badger somehow did! Abhay then asked me if Geetha-atte can hear us even after she is dead to which I didn’t respond immediately as I honestly don’t know the answer myself. But one thing is for sure….Geetha-atte may have gone down the long tunnel, but her memories are always etched in our minds and hearts!