Our Girl!

 

As I browse through some of my earliest blogposts almost a decade ago, I find that an oft repeated reflection on my part has always been “I wish I had a daughter” and such a longing was borne out of a desire to enjoy reading books that my pre-schooler was quick to dismiss as “girlie books”! Now that I have a daughter, we do revisit some of the books that hadn’t impressed my son then and now seem to be a big hit with my daughter, just as I had thought so! Well….not a day a goes by without feeling thankful for the pure joy of having a daughter and how blessed we’ve been with the arrival our little girl! Her indefatigable energy, perceptive and sensitized nature, generous and caring spirit have enriched our lives in so many ways that we could never imagine! As a daughter myself, I have always and still do share an extremely close relationship with my mom and without wishing to sound cliched…my mom has always been and continues to be my 'BFF' and vice-versa!  As the saying goes…God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers….as a natural corollary I can say that God made daughters so that they can be their mothers' best friends! Hoping to share the same relationship with my little girl!

On the occasion of daughter’s day,  we read a book by one Abhay’s  all-time favourite authors, the award winning Anthony Browne, whose books we would regularly borrow from the British Library almost a decade ago! “Our Girl” is quintessentially Anthony Browne in terms of narrative style, wit, visual-word interplay, pastel backdrop, water-colour style illustrations which makes it a truly perfect read for today. The books opens to a sweet little girl with a wide smile –“She’s lovely, our girl”… an goes on to celebrate “our girl” – a great goalie, brilliant swimmer, loves to draw, dress up and pretend play, alternates between quiet and loud, starts off as a busy bee and ends up as sleepy puppy, fierce as a fighter yet charms her way with her beautiful smile…..we love our girl and will always do…..a wonderful tribute to daughters everywhere!  Happy daughters day to all our girls!

When Mama Comes Home Tonight..!

Just when the omnipresent working mom’s guilt had begun to ease with Abhay growing independent enough not to need his mom at every juncture, its back to square one with my little one!  Though being an independent professional allows one the flexibility to combine work with certain personal responsibilities that a structured job does not make room for, that does not automatically being about a greater work-life balance. Technically, there are no ‘day-offs’ or ‘sick-days” or “paid leaves” or even “public holidays”! While being busy is a good sign for an independent professional, it can also lead on to biting off more than one can chew.... often blurring the lines between home and work…and that’s when your support structure at home truly matters.

Well, notwithstanding umpteen number of day-cares that have mushroomed on every street of the city, most working moms depend on some sort of a support structure at home, at least during the early childhood phase of their kids – be it in the form of parents, in-laws or nannies, etc. Till recently, I was in between nannies …..the uncertainty  of which, believe me,  is worse than being in between jobs! With each passing day, things turn from bad to worse, leaving you at the mercy of these maid/nanny agencies that is probably the only business not affected by any kind of recession! Of course with each passing day, the helplessness makes you doubt the wisdom of your choice of getting back to work with a young kid in tow. Finally, when you find that your prayers have been answered, there is still a sense of uncertainty over whether the new help is here stay or will she vanish into thin air …like her predecessors! So while some semblance of sanity has been restored in our household, following the appointment of a new nanny for our little one, we never know when the rug will get pulled from under our feet…once again!

Anyway, this is an age old saga of a working mom that will only end when her kids fly out of their nests (or will it??). Meanwhile we shouldn’t forget to enjoy the small pleasures of life with kids  that includes reading to them which may turn out to be more of a relaxation therapy for the mothers!

Not very often do you come across a book that you can so well relate to, that it almost feels like to have been written only for you! “When Mama Comes Home Tonight” by Eileen Spinelli and illustrated by Jane Dyer is one such book that is a must-read for every mom, (especially working moms) to a young child! So much so that even the illustrator dedicates the book “To all mothers who come home tired at the end of the day….”! This book assumes a reassuring tone for all the kids waiting for their mamas to return home. With a beautiful narrative, the author vividly captures the daily routine of a mother once she is back at home…and how everything she does, involves her little one .. ..from hugging her little one tight to feeding her dinner and dancing with her down the hall, from engaging in quiet play to looking out of the window for stars and moon in the night, from mending the little one’s clothing while fixing her own and taking some time off for a cup of tea while letting her little one have a sip or two, from getting her into a bedtime routine of bathing her…reading to her and finally putting her to sleep with her soft lullabies in the company of her soft toys…mamma stays on till the end!  

Even the soft and tender water colour-like illustrations of the mother-child duo seem so real and familiar that it may as well be straight from one of our households. Personally, the illustration of the thumb-sucking-curly-haired little girl makes the book seem like a customized picture for me and my little one! Though based on a simple theme, its sublime presentation enhanced by soothing illustrations make a comforting read for all mothers and their little ones alike!

Mothers and others!

There’s an old saying that God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers!!!  While this was meant to be appreciative of the unparalleled persona of a mother, it can also be a tad overwhelming, especially in today’s age of super-moms! Of course …being a mother is a huge part of a woman’s identity and there’s nothing in the world that would make her trade places with someone who’s never experienced the joy of motherhood. That said….does motherhood define one’s identity ….may be and may be not!  It’s been almost ten years since I’ve joined the ranks of many women and came to be known as “amma” to my son and  had a dejavu feeling when my was daughter was born last year. As my daughter is slowly getting the hang of calling out my name aloud - “amma” …… I wonder if that is all I will be to them!  No doubt …  I am their mother and they are at a stage where …..“amma” is everything to them, more so with the little one. But I am not sure if I want them to grow up thinking that “amma” is a uni-dimensional figure, ever present and ever ready to make their life as easy as they want it to be! As they grow up, I surely want them to understand that “amma” has her own life or has her own thing going which may not be convenient to them at all times. 

Sometimes I wonder if we moms really need the anointed status of “Supermoms” because we are as flawed as anybody else and just like everybody else…we have our good days and bad days too! Well….I’m not sure if even God meant for mothers to be everywhere or round-the-clock/24-7 care- providers leaving us with very little or no ‘home-life balance’! J

So as a departure from my usual routine on Onestoryaday, I’ve picked up a book meant more for adults than children “Mothers and others” a wonderful compilation on motherhood and more, edited by Jaishree Mishra, brought out by Zubaan publications. This eclectic collection provides an off-beat perspective to one of the most special human relationships - the mother-child bond. With most contributions narrated from the mother’s point of view, this certainly  makes an interesting read and even echoes the sentiments of young moms who find it hard to toe the traditional line, when it comes to parenting. With contributions from well known writers like Shashi Despande, Jahnavi Barua, Manju Kapur, Kishwar Desai (to name a few and my personal favourites) and many more, you realize that motherhood cannot be strait- jacketed into how its represented in mainstream media and films and that there are so many layers and dimensions to it, with its own highs and lows and pain and pleasures. Read on as the books also explores questions of identity, adoption, childlessness, bereavement and loss through the medium of beautifully written essays, stories and poems. Though the stories are essentially for grown-ups,  I did manage to read  to my nine year old, a little from “Eating Baby” by Anita Roy, a hilarious account of a mother transitioning from nursing to feeding her baby solids ( a stage I went through recently and hence could totally relate to ) Though my older one could follow a little, he  couldn’t understand what the fuss was all about!  Well..once in a while,  it's sure okay to set aside the picture books or young reader fiction and read what mommy wants to read right?? Like I said …“amma” has a taste and a mind of her own too! J Happy Mother’s day to all the mommies!    

A Special day for mothers...!

Many wonder ….why do we celebrate Mother’s day?  Well….in a way every day is mother’s day….quite literally in the case of mothers of young kids as it’s tough to get by a single day without mommy around……isn’t it?? Taking a cue from a recent write-up in the Hindu, here’s acknowledging the role of fathers, especially the new age daddies who are not only hand-in-hand in parenting our little ones, but also without whom we wouldn’t be the mothers we want to be! But I feel the pressures of being a mother are a lot different from that of being a father……especially so when I am set to be a mother-to-be the second time around. Right from conception to birth and thereafter, our kids are an inextricable part of our lives in a way that fathers never are. I’ve borne my unborn child for the last eight months.......with an innate awareness that my every step or move will impact him or her in some way (even now wondering if the radiation from the laptop I’m working on will be too much for him or her) and not to mention that the same thoughts would be uppermost for many many years to come. While it is undeniably a moment to rejoice as our little bundle of joy arrives…….it is also unnerving and sometimes even terrifying. At the same time…. as mothers….we are not even allowed to have stray doubts or misgivings about what we’ve gotten ourselves into whereas the society is quite lenient with the dads in that respect. J While mother’s have to constantly battle with guilt whether they are working or stay-at-home moms….it is not even an issue with the fathers. When things go wrong….it’s the mothers who take the blame after which it is fathers’ turn. Even so…as per Indian laws, it is father who is the natural guardian of a child only to be followed by the mother! So in all….is it too much to have one day in year dedicated to mothers???

Anyway, I am at the final stage of my last trimester of my second pregnancy, off late I have been developing what one may call as cold feet over all that I am about to experience in the next few weeks! Yes…motherhood the second time around can be as scary as the first one! Anyhow, on the occasion of Mother’s day, we read “Cloud and Waves” a poem by the most celebrated poet of our country Rabindranath Tagore and art by Sunaina Coelho brought out by Katha publications. This is an endearing conversation between a mother and child wherein the child explains how she resists all kinds of temptations emanating from the clouds in the sky to the ocean waves to  stay back and play with her mother. For instance…as she finds the folks in the waves calling out to her to join IN for they shall sing from morning till night riding on the waves, she turns down the offer as she knows a better game than that ... and is seen saying “I will be the waves and you will be the strange shore….and I shall roll on an on and break upon your lap with laughter…” along with  the illustration beautifully depicting the little child rolling onto to her mother’s lap on their bed…just like waves rushing to shore. The poem is as much a celebration of a child’s imagination as a tribute to maternal bond with the underlying theme being  that for a little child …the mother is his or her universe! Well…it is also the other way around ..isn’t it?? Happy mother’s day to all the mommies and mommies-to-be! 

Moms!!!

Mother's Day is round the corner and I have written enough extolling the pivotal role a mother plays in her child's life and the various hats she dons along the way!! Well, considering that my little one is currently in a "Mad at mommy" phase, let's look at why moms can be annoying at times!! Despite both mom and dad being equally involved in parenting today, by and large, moms are the ones who tend to be more hands-on, all-knowing and most definitely a step ahead of their partners in their parental thinking! After all, it's not for nothing that they put their careers on hold or rather take up more flexible options for the family! So it's no secret that mommies end up being the sous chef, principal dietician, first aid expert and logistics planner, time and activity schedulers ( running the risk of over scheduling) and the most intuitive mind-readers!  So also , mommies tend be the follow-up parent bordering on turning into a nag (in my case being a full-fledged nag), the edgier parent ( a fall out of too much follow-up), the parent who knows you better than yourself, the parent least likely to be prevailed upon and most likely to find it hard to let go! Oops...... I've turned out exactly like my mom!! Of course, as I grew up, I am thankful for the very same qualities that I had once found most annoying! Well, I just hope our little ones understand too!! Happy Mother's Day to all the mommies of the world!!!

"Mother's Day" being a must-post-day on Onestoryaday, guess which book we read today? In association with friend and fellow blogger, Bubbleink writes, I am participating in the treasure hunt of blogs as a part of Mother's Day week on Bubbleink.

 Here are the clues- This is a book by one of our favourite authors most of whose books we've read and loved on Onestoryaday.

The recipient of the prestigious Hans Christian Medal, this UK author has also been awarded the Children's laureate!

This book on moms is very similar in format and style to his other two books, one of which is on the counterpart! 

The book is in a way a tribute to motherhood and a celebration of her multi tasking abilities! The humour lies in how the child perceives the different roles she plays! It starts with the all pervading description of mom being nice ....... a fantastic cook, a brilliant juggler,a great painter ( shown standing in front of the mirror applying make-up), the strongest woman in the world (carrying umpteen  grocery bags)! While mom can sing like an angel, she can roar like a lion too and while is soft as a kitten, she can be tough as a Rhino! The brilliant illustrations convey their own story as  mom's beauty is likened to that of a butterfly, the colours of which metamorphoses into an armchair in turn symbolising the comfort of a mom's embrace!!! There is an acknowledgement of her sacrifice as she chooses to be a mom when she can be anyone she wants! The book ends with an expression of love that will always be the dominant factor between mommy and forever little one!!! Cheers to motherhood!

What will I be!

We may accept our little ones as they are but will we accept who they want to be? Of course this is a question we won't have to grapple with right now, but the flurry of comments I received for a recent photo of Abhay on a social networking site, got me thinking. More than couple of months ago, Abhay came in to my office as I was returning from court and expressed a desire to try on my lawyer garb. As he donned my black coat and white band, I couldn't help but share that moment with my friends (it is an affliction actually!). While I was just goofing around and had absolutely nothing in mind about my seven year old's future plans, the comments I received made me wonder... what if.... and why not!:-)) That’s when parents like me are tempted into wishing and hoping for our little ones follow into our professional footsteps! I guess every parent has a vision of what they want their child to become, but the question is will they let their child be weighed down by their expectation or let it go. While I would love it if Abhay chose law as his calling, but I do understand that it is his life after all, he can be whatever he wants to be…..and I must remind myself to read this in a few years from now!:-) So extending today’s reading prompt for the 30 books in 30 days challenge “I am I”, a little further, here’s to all our little ones…. “You are you…and you can be whatever you want to be”!

So today we read “What will I be” a Karadi Tales publication by Nandini Nayar and illustrated by Francesco Manetti. Sameer plays hide and seek with his mother and gets easily found hiding behind the flower pot. So his imagination takes flight as he pictures himself in various roles as a train engine driver, a pilot or a chef, a doctor ,a mountaineer, a wild life explorer, and a zoo keeper wherein he could easily be out of his mother's watchful eye! But his mother only smiles and explains how she could easily find him when he stops the train at the railway station or as he lands his plane or from the smell of his piece de resistance, or when she calls on him when sick, or when she reads about his famou mountaineering or wildlife adventures in the newspaper! Sammer then decides to stay back for a while longer after all. Complemented by vibrant and humorous illustrations, this book can surely double up as a educative book on jobs and professions. The narrative though couched in a playful banter between the mother –son duo, subtly conveys the message that …..no matter what, you can be whatever you want to be! Not to forget the side note (which is so true!) that no matter where you are….you can never hide from mommy! :-)

Piggybook!

I haven’t waited for any weekend as eagerly as I have for the coming long weekend!  Well, it is an understatement to say “hectic’, but this week has been crazy both at work and on the personal front. Now before I can heave a sigh of relief as the week draws to a close two days early, thanks to Id-ul-Fitr and a second Saturday, it turns out that it may be a working looooong weekend, after all as I have to trudge  through a few legal documents while vacationing in my father’s farm house!:-(  Anyway, another reason I felt over-worked this week is because of my mother-in-laws’ absence at home, making me in charge of the household (read kitchen) responsibilities! This got me thinking about the importance of an all-encompassing domestic support for a working woman today in order to maintain sanity, and this is apart from the housemaid or the help who comes in for a couple of hours for household cleaning and allied chores.  With today’s working woman out of the house for most part of the day, either because of extended working hours or long commute, it’s no secret that we need help for not only child-care, but also cooking and cleaning up thereafter because if I have to fix “Abhay’s favorite panner subzi” for dinner after a long grueling day at court followed by client meetings, it will be like jumping from frying pan to fire! J So we look to support or rather outsource the domestic responsibilities to our parents, in-laws or a full-time hired help. Well, I am grateful to my mother-in-law without whose support my life would have been a mad rush like it has been the whole of this week! Of course, with husbands helping around, it is no longer the “woman’s” sole responsibility, but it is still not the woman who asks “what’s for dinner”, right?:-)

In my hubby’s defense, however, I must say that as I write this post just before leaving to “Shristi”, my father’s farmhouse at Dharmasthala for the long weekend….it is my husband who is winding up the kitchen! J Anyway, I guess as mothers of little boys, it is for us to see to it that gender stereotypes are not perpetuated on the domestic front. Though Abhay has noticed his father help out at the kitchen, its time he starts helping out too. I found a nice little book titled “Piggybook” by Anthony Browne that probably will help me on that count. This one just like other books by Anthony Browne, challenges commonly held beliefs with though-provoking yet comic illustrations. The Piggot family comprising of the mother, father and two boys are a nice little family who live in a nice house, with nice garden and a nice garage. Mrs Piggot does all the household chores from cooking, cleaning, serving, laundry to ironing while having a full-time job on hand. Mr Piggot and the Piggot boys simply order her around and take her for granted. One fine day Mrs. Piggot who has had enough, leaves a note that to her husband and sons that says saying “you are pigs” and walks out. Mr Piggot and the Piggot boys return to an empty house and are annoyed that they have cook and clean themselves. They find it hard to get by without Mrs. Piggot and are seen turning as dirty as pigs for real! Mrs. Piggot then returns, much to relief of the “pigs” but her return is subject to certain conditions - that the boys make their own bed, dad learns to wash the dishes and all of them helped with the cooking and all of them realized that they enjoyed it, after all! So the other day, I asked Abhay to lay the table for dinner, which he no doubt, set out to do willingly but sought to overdo it so much that I regretted asking him!!:-) So if you think you are little ones may be growing into little “pigs” at home……bring home the “Piggybook”!

Happy Mothers' day!

When Anna Jarvis campaigned to have the second Sunday in May recognized as “Mother’s day”, she probably didn’t anticipate how commercialized this day would turn into! In fact, seeing every business from restaurants, salons, baby and clothing stores to maternity hospitals cashing in on what is supposed to be a simple appreciation day, it almost seems clichéd or contrived to wish “Happy Mother’s day” to your own mother! Well, to me, today is the day to express gratitude for all those annoying “mothering” moments, while at the same time hoping that your little one would probably feel the same about your own “mothering”moments of today! We are constantly introspecting over the choices we make as moms and its impact on our little ones and I am now beginning to understand what my mother went through over the choices she made or decisions she took concerning me. For instance, it may begin with “Am I feeding him/her enough?” or “Should we take him to the doc or wait for another day?” and grow into "Will this job-change affect him?" or “Am I being too harsh with him?” or “Is this the right school for him?” or “Is this extra-curricular activity too much for him to handle?”and progress into “Will this be a good career choice for him?” or "Is she the right one?" and eventually evolve into “Am I being pushy?” or “Should I just let go?” – in all asking ourselves the same question “Am I doing the right thing for my baby?” So I guess today is the day you can put to rest all those self doubts your mother has had while raising you with a simple “Thank You”! ....... So...thanks amma for the choices you made!

Celebrating Motherhood- Three Generations of mothers (My own mother is missing from this picture though!)

You may be a mother of nine (in case of our grandma) or a mother of two (in case of my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law or a mother of one (that’s my mother and me!), you cannot but agree that you play a pivotal role your child’s life! So on mother’s day I read “My Mother” by Jaya Jaitley, art and pictures by Bahadur Chitrakar, a Level 2 bilingualEarly reader brought out by Pratham publications. Set in rural West Bengal, a little boy describes a day in the life of his Ma who toils for her family. She wakes up very early in the morning to fetch water from a hand pump in the village prompting the boy to dream of becoming a mechanic so as to be able to repair the pump for his mother. Besides cooking and cleaning, Ma is clever enough to help them with their lessons and narrate magical stories that never end as they all fall asleep before she finishes! At end of the day, when Ma’s work is done, she sits down to paint pictures just like her mother did as it makes her happy! I loved illustrations that are designed in traditional Kalighat Parichitra style that are both vibrant and authentic to its setting. A simple and sincere narrative by a little boy who is full of gratitude for his home without his mother would not be the same!! Well....its the same for all of us, isnt it? To all moms......Happy Mother’s day!

Happy B'day Sanna-ajji!

As I was growing up, I was always envious of other kids who had their doting grandmas live in the same town as them and who never failed to pamper them on their weekend visits. I,on the other hand never got to see my paternal grandma and my grandma on the maternal side, though hardly a doting grandparent, lived in Mangalore. Grandmas hold a unique place in a child life apart from his or her mom and Abhay is fortunate to have his grandmas, both from the maternal side and paternal side staying close to him. Today being his maternal grandma’s sixtieth birthday, what better occasion than this to celebrate what she means to him! Abhay shares a special connection with his maternal grandma whom he fondly addresses as Sanna-ajji and who never fails to engage him in matters that interest him, be it what happened in school, or what happens in his favorite television series, or what story he wants to hear! With Acchu (Abhay’s pet name given by his grandma) only too busy with his Sanna-ajji around, it is I who feel left out amidst this grandma-grandson duo!  Sanna-ajji is not your regular grandma whose conversations with her grandson revolve around food or peripheral questions on his routine, but fully involved discussions on how did M react to Abhay’s new pencil box in class today or the latest developments of who is who’s friends in Class I B of Samhita Academy! Sanna-ajji and Abhay together ponder over what should be the storyline of Abhay’s favorite television series on Nick or who’s their favorite character, etc on the same show, the discussion more resembling the 9' O Clock news hour discussion! Sanna-ajji’s stories are a lot more fun than the stories I read to him as Abhay is always the protagonist in them and it is Abhay who in every story ends up as the winner! Sanna-ajji can act funny or silly or be as indulging and at the same time, she does not shy away from disciplining Abhay when required. When it comes to sharing his surprises and excitement or disappointments or frustrations (of course, he has plenty!), the only other person,  he feels comfortable opening up to, besides his dad is his dear Sanna-ajji! As as his Sanna-ajji is due to retire the end of this month, here’s wishing her a relaxed life ahead with plenty of time to spare for her darling Acchu!

I am excited to have found a perfect book for today without much trouble (which hardly happens!) at the British Library. “The Granny who wasn’t like other grannies” by Denis Bond and illustrated by Valeria Petrone. Tim loved his granny, but sometimes he wishes his granny was like other grannies who were into sewing, knitting or reading. But Tim’s granny would join him in jumping on the trampoline or go-cart across her neighbor’s lawn or come to pick him on a motorcycle. When Tim’s friends would laughingly remark that grannies don’t ride motorcycle, Tim’s granny would laugh it off saying “this one does”! One day Tim accompanied his granny to the park when she joined the football players on the pitch and scored the winning goal. As she was cheered by fellow footballers, Tim could feel everyone’s eyes on his unconventional granny and was embarrassed. At the park fairgrounds, Tim’s granny rode the bumper-cars along with Tim and dashed against everyone making Tim cringe. Tim’s granny screamed the loudest with delight as the roller-coaster hurtled down the big dipper, climbed the monkey bars, danced around the rain and jumped puddles with the children raising the eyebrows of other grannies who thought that grannies weren’t supposed to indulge in things like that but were only supposed to stand and watch. As Tim’s granny went on to indulged in Granny sensed that something bothered Tim and when asked Tim was frank to admit that sometimes he wished she was like other grannies! So from the next day onwards, Tim did not have his granny pick him up on her motorbike, much to the disappointment of other kids who all thought Tim’s granny was cool unlike their own grannies! When Tim came home looking for his granny, he was shocked to find her sitting on a rocking chair knitting, and  as he began to talk to her, she fell asleep! Tim was disappointed as he was hoping to play with his granny in the garden and that’s when he realized that he wanted his old granny back. Tim then confides in his granny that he doesn’t want an ordinary granny but a special granny like her! Tim’s granny is overjoyed and leaps out of her rocking chair and shows him his surprise which is two pairs of roller skates for Tim and his granny to go roller skating round and round the garden! Well, Abhay’s granny may not be like other grannies, but he prefers Sanna-ajji just the way she is! Happy B’day to Sanna Ajji! :-)

Mommy withdrawal symptoms!

Yesterday was mother's day and for the first time since I became a mom, I got to celebrate it without my little one! I thought I would quite enjoy my time alone at home (strictly speaking I am not alone ..but we are quite a houseful) ....or spend my evenings after work doing things I have always wanted to do but never had the chance to....watch TV mindlessly, read the day's newspaper without any interruptions and there's no hurry to hit the kitchen to fix Abhay's dinner! Well, I must admit....I am doing all that...but you know what the catch is? I'm not enjoying it as much....I miss my mommy duties.....I am having what can be called "withdrawal symptoms!" I cant stop myself from calling my parents to check on Abhay every now and then; I cant stop thinking of Abhay as I serve freshly fermented curds for dinner ( something we make for Abhay for each of his meals). I cant stop talking about what Abhay would be doing at this very hour in Dharmasthala! Abhay has had sleepovers at his grandparents' house in Bangalore before.....but this somehow feels different! I almost feel homesick without him around and  it is Abhay who is away from home! Oh God...look what being a mommy does to you!

This time around on the occasion of mother's day, I couldn't read to Abhay as he was in grandparents' farm house in Dharmasthala, which is an overnight journey from Bangalore. But while I was there last week, I had read an exerpt by Leela Ramaswamy in Open Sesame ( The Deccan Herald's children supplement) on Abraham Lincoln's mother titled "Angel-mother". This is a story of how Abraham Lincoln lost his mom at the age of 10 and was brought up his step mom Sarah. Little Abe and his sister lived in abject poverty along with their father Thomas Lincoln when he married Sarah, Sarah who had inital misgivings about stepping in as the wife of Thomas Lincoln, accepted his children as her own. She loved them and worked hard at transforming their home and their childhood into a happy one. Sarah was the force behind Abraham's education and success and for all that he had this angel-mother to thank! I guess Abhay is a little too young to appreciate a story a like this, but it definitely makes an interesting read! We all have our angel mothers to thank ...dont we? I have my mom to thank...specially now...since she has given me some time off from being a mom! Happy Mother's day to all you moms!

Hanging out with Abhay!

I love doing what I do and could never see myself doing anything else other than practicing law! This is one thing most of my childhood friends can vouch for – I have always wanted to do law and ended up doing just that! As I passed out of college and enrolled myself as an advocate at the Karnataka bar, I had no idea how hectic my life would become once I joined my Senior’s chambers. Still, I didn’t mind the long hours, the hard work and the not-so-great pay as long I was enjoying doing what I was doing. All was well until I had Abhay and that’s when I realized that litigation does not spare any quality time for family…especially for a young mom with young kids! It’s a story of most women advocates! In the evenings, after Court work, we have office work to attend to while our kids come home to their grandparents or worse still,  the maid; We have clients to meet, lists to check and update, when all we want to do is check on our little one’s school work; No matter how hard we work during the day, our competency is always assessed by how late we stay! But come April, any litigation lawyer will be glad she chose to work in litigation, thanks to the month long vacation for Civil Courts! With courts closed for over four weeks, we can finally take our kids to the park or take them swimming or on a play date every evening ……..something we can only dream of when Courts are working!

Anyway, I can’t believe it’s been three days already since the civil courts closed…..hmmm....I could get used this! J Since I’ll get to spend more with Abhay, I read “Hanging out with Mom”, a Level 2 Scholastic Early reader by Sonia W. Black and illustrated by George Ford. Abhay of course could not read all of it by himself, but managed to read a little with help. A young boy is thrilled to see his mom come home from work early and requests her to take him to a park to play. Changing into their casual clothes, the boy and his mom head out. They first stop to grab some evening snacks and then drive to the park where he finds runners, hikers, basketball players, skaters and bikers. Young kids stop by the rabbit hutch and the older kids fly kites. The boy and his mom stop by the pond to feed the ducks and then race to the playground, the boy reaching first closely followed by his mom (moms are always last in the race ..right?). The boy slides down the giant slide while his mom waits for him at the bottom and as he climbs up the monkey bars, his mom cautions him to be careful. As they play in sand, they find sand in their shoes and in their hair, but they are having so much fun that they hardly care! As it turns dark, it’s time to go, but the boy is certain he will come back for sure as evenings in the park is the best part of the day – both for him and his mom! So….I hope Abhay’s looking forward to hanging out with his mom …..just as I am! Happy Holidays to my fellow advocates !!!

Abhay's colorful pencils

I’m not sure if the advantages of having a working mom outweigh the disadvantages, but like everything else – it has its pros and cons too (or at least I’d like to believe so!) We all know the cons – not being around all the time. For instance, I work on Saturdays whereas Saturdays are off for Abhay; Today was a holiday for Abhay for Maha Shivratri, but I had to work half day. Having been brought up by a working mom, I know that there are definite advantages of not having your mom around all the time. Of course, I didn’t realize it then…..but do value it now. When my mom was away at work, I took to reading and discovered the wonderful world of books. So when I had to spend my mid-term vacations alone at home, I didn’t feel lonely but had a book to keep me company. I can say the same for Abhay who  I see is always immersed in his drawing and coloring books, as I return home from work. So much so, that unless and until he has turned in three colorings/drawings in a day, he is not happy! Abhay was always into drawing/coloring and ever since I have begun work, he is ‘drawn’ to it even more! So…hopefully Abhay too will give me credit for his interest in art just like I credit my mom for my interest in reading!

I guess Abhay is not the only to be fascinated by crayons and there are many more who share his passion. Today we read about one such girl in “My Colourful Pencils” by Maasoumeh Ansarian and illustrated by Fatemah Fazel, a Level 2 Early Reader by Pratham publications. A little girl is cross that no one at home has the time to play with her. Her mom gets back from work and heads straight to the kitchen to fix dinner; Her dad gets home and relaxes with a newspaper in hand; Her brother returns home to lots of homework. Upset, she lies on the floor with eyes closed when suddenly something falls on her foot and when she opens her eyes, it is a green pencil who offers to play with her. Then one by one, blue, yellow and red pencils jump down from the table and all of them play a drawing game. The little girl is unsure at first but the color pencils reassure her and help her draw her mommy – green pencil draws mommy’s skirt, yellow pencil draws her blouse, brown pencil draws mommy’s long hair and finally green pencil gives the finishing touches. When the picture is done, the girl runs up to her mom to show the same. Her mom is astonished to see her daughter’s blossoming talent and hangs her picture by the kitchen cupboard. The girl feels encouraged to draw more and ends up making wonderful sketches of her father and brother.  When they both seem surprised and ask her how she managed to draw such beautiful pictures, she winks at her colorful pencils and says “The Colorful pencils and I did it” So Abhay - what did you and your colorful pencils draw today?

Too busy for Valentine's day?

Today’s date bears momentous significance for the diehard romantics, the youth, radio stations, television networks,  cards and gifts stores, flower shops, restaurants and retail stores in general. At the same time, it’s just another day for many, with offices to attend and schools to go to. For me personally, it was a bit of both – an awareness of what the day means without any time to mull over it! Back in the US, Valentine’s Day was and still is a day to celebrate love – be it maternal love, paternal love, love of a child towards her parents and other family members, friendship, and basically any relationship defined by love. But in India, Valentine’s day has come to mean only romantic love, the celebration of which can sometimes be overshadowed with your little one down with a throat infection, your husband swamped with back-to-back conference calls and you are nervous about an important matter in court. All this leaves you with little time or energy to buy roses that suddenly cost 30 bucks a piece!

Anyway, leaving Abhay under the care of my in-laws, we did manage to eat out at a noisy restaurant that probably had the whole of Bangalore South dining in! Since there was nothing for Abhay to do this Valentine's day, I decided to read to him a book on love - the only kind he is most familiar with...at least as of now! "Mama Do you Love me", by Barbara M Joose and Illustrated by Barbara Lavallee is a classic that Im surprised I havent read to my son till now. A little eskimo girl asks her mama if she loves her and how much and how long. When her mother claims that her love is more than that of a raven for his treasure  and that her love lasts until the stars turn to fish in the sky, the little girl wants to know more. She asks if her mother will still love her if she was careless ( drops the eggs she carries), or mischievous( puts salmon in her mom's clothes and footwear), or meddlesome (pours water into the lamp) or if she runs away and stays with the wolves or turns into an ox or a walrus or a polar bear and chases her mother into her tent? Her mother smiles as she replies that she may be sorry, surprised, or angry or scared - but underneath  it all, she would still be her little one, whom mama will always and forever love! Happy Valentine's day to everyone!

Circle of guilt!

When I was not working, every second mom I met was a working mother and now that I am working, every second mom I meet is a stay-at-home mom! I mean…..the grass is truly greener on the other side. I guess as women, there are no guilt free choices! When you opt out of work, you feel guilty for doing not justice to your education or your career aspirations; when you get back in circuit, you feel guilty about not being able to devote enough time to your little one – so guilt is your companion for life! In fact, ever since I’ve started work, I am yet to settle into a routine that allows me some time with Abhay. Of course, Abhay is not complaining as he is happy to have his paternal grandma pamper him on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday evenings and have his maternal grandma regal him with her stories on Thursday and Friday evenings! Even with this arrangement of shared babysitting, I can’t wait to get back home to my baby! I know that Abhay is in safe hands, but all said and done, it’s not me who is with him. But at the same time, I do enjoy my work and did feel relieved to find that not much has changed in since I left in 2008! J

Anyway, last morning I was a little harsh with Abhay as I was in a rush myself and could not afford to have him miss the bus or else I’d have to drop him myself ( as my husband was busy too). So after I saw him off, I couldn’t help but feel guilty about the way I had acted and the guilt seemed to haunt me the entire day at work. In fact, the guilt seemed more pronounced than usual as it wouldn’t be me receiving him as he got back in the evening! So at bedtime, I was comforted by a similar story of a mom in a hurry in “Don’t Forget I love you” by Miriam Moss and Anna Currey. When Billy wakes up in the morning, he begins to look for his soft toy ‘the rabbit” when his mom calls him for breakfast downstairs. Mom cant help getting impatient on seeing Billy’s tardy ways and asks him to hurry. But Billy being the ‘Abhay-type’, couldn’t care less and continues to play with his rabbit, and gets busy with dressing up rabbit instead of getting dressed himself. At last, much to mom’s relief, Billy manages to get ready and just when they are about to leave, he runs upstairs to have rabbit say good bye to his other toys. When they finally begin to walk to school, it starts to rain and Billy balancing rabbit and lunch box, drops his lunch. It’s clearly one of those mornings when everything seems to go  wrong. Billy’s angry mom gathers his lunch and grabs hold of his toy rabbit and leads the way. As it gets late for both Billy and his mom, they run the rest of the way to school. When Billy is dropped off to school, he is upset that his mom forgot to hand over rabbit and most importantly forgot to say “I love You”! Just when Billy starts to cry, missing his mom, the door flung open and in rushes his mom with rabbit in her hands that also give Billy his most awaited “I love you” hug!  So ….this book ends with a message that every mom wants to convey to her little one - even when mama is in a rush, don’t forget that she loves you very much! 

Abhay's working mom!

I’m all set to resume work from tomorrow and I find myself both nervous and excited at the same time. It is with a mixed feeling that I put on my black coat again, not sure if I still have it in me and not certain if I’ll still enjoy practicing law again, after a gap of three and half years! These three years have taught me that there is much more to life than your career, there is much more to parenting than routine responsibilities like feeding your kid, bathing him and putting him to sleep, and there is so much more to see in the world, if you take the time off to see it!!! Having said that, I’d be lying if I say that I didn’t feel the urge to get out of home and drive into something that resembled a workspace as opposed to driving to a park or a grocery store with my son! I’d be lying if I say that I wasn't exactly thrilled at having to introduce myself as a “stay at home mom”! I’d be lying if I say that I didn’t feel insecure looking at the Facebook profiles of some of my working friends!:-) As I try to understand whether this urge to work is driven by my insecurity or a genuine desire for a calling of my own, I also realized that this is as much a big change for me as it is for Abhay. It means that Abhay will not have his mom pick him up as he gets off his school bus, or his mom take him to the music class or the park, or have his mom hound him for freshening up or finishing his milk….and now as I write this …I’m not sure if he’ll miss his mom at all!!

Anyway, I wanted Abhay to understand what his mom was up to and went looking for a book on working mothers. Considering that many moms juggle between work and kids today, I had expected to see quite a few books on the same subject but my search yielded dismal results. After a lot of legwork and with a little help from my friend Deepa (another working mom), I found “Pepper and Mama’s new job” from the situational story series centered on a puppy named Pepper. It’s mom’s first day at work and she has arranged for Pepper to be dropped off at Little Angels Daycare center after school. Pepper initially protests but realizes that he has no choice as he cannot be left alone at home. Visibly upset, Pepper asks his mom as to why she needs to work (good question!) Pepper’s mom explains that mama likes to work just as he likes to go school. Anyway, when in school, Pepper confides in his friend Jean about having been enrolled into the Little Angels day care, Jean looks excited. Jean admits that it is the same day care that she goes to after school and as Pepper discovers, so do many of his friends who all have moms working as teachers, banking officials, architects, etc. When Pepper’s mom picks him up, she discovers that he had a great time after all and even looked forward to spending time in the day care when his mama is at work. Here’s hoping Abhay has the same experience too when his mama goes to work tomorrow!

Mommy's magical purse!

Having kids changes everything – perspectives, priorities, tastes and interests, sometimes even appearances and the accessories that you may carry! One of your accessories that is most likely to become a victim of circumstances would be your handbag! Gone are the days of carrying a clutch purse, now you need to make provision for every possible need, craving, eventuality or mishap. Once you have a baby, not only do you stop being brand-crazy as far as hand bags are concerned, but also stop caring if your diaper bag goes well with your outfit! As your baby grows older, you may not need to carry diapers or wipes anymore, but you still need to fit in food, snacks, water, first-aid, sanitizing tissues, umbrella, caps, toys, books so on and so forth. In other words a mom’s hand bag is truly a bag of wonders – you never know what you’ll get!:-)

Staying on the mother’s day theme, I read “Momma’s Magical purse” by Paulette Bogan. David is skeptical when he hears Rachel say that her mother’s purse is magical and has everything anyone could possibly want. But when he sees mommy pull out a bandage to nurse Rachel’s injured knee, sweaters for both of them when the wind gets cold, a perfect picnic lunch when they ‘re hungry, raincoats and umbrellas when it starts to rain unexpectedly, even a bucket to collect raindrops and finally a rescue kit to save David from drowning in the pond, he is finally convinced that momma’s big purse indeed possesses magical properties! Good to know that I’m not the only one slinging a huge ugly looking handbag wherever I go. At least Im well prepared when Abhay asks for a ‘cookie’, the moment we get into the car, even if he’s just had lunch!:-)

Supermommy!

Like most girls, I have always looked up to my mom and continue to do so. Today, being her birthday, I wish I was home with her. I have always felt like my mom was a superwoman, juggling between work and home which she has been doing for the last thirty years. Now that I am a mom myself, I wonder how she did it! How did she handle everyday sticky situations that seem to overwhelm any mom without any domestic support? More so, when she was preoccupied with setting the semester’s exam paper!! As much as I’d like give myself the credit for the being the ideal child, Im also aware that an ‘Ideal child’ is an oxymoron! Anyway, she has set the bar a little too high for me to live up to. I made a call during the early days of my status change. Having found it impossible to perform the role of a power mom, I decided to take a sabbatical from work to devote my full time to Abhay. However, I’d be lying if I said that I’ve never ever doubted the wisdom of my decision! As I plan to get back to work soon, I dread the day when I have to decide between my son’s running fever and an important case in Court. So I come back to the same question, how did you do it, amma?

In an attempt to get my son to appreciate his mom the way I just did, I read “My Mommy hung the moon” by Jamie Lee Curtis. This is a loving child’s sincere tribute to her mom who can make the impossible seem possible. As you flip through the pages of this “keepsake”, you are introduced to this bird-catching, car-pooling, cookie-baking, medicine-dispensing, ball-pitching and cradle rocking Supermom who also manages to hang the moon and tie it with a string. My mommy hung the moon too!!! Happy Birthday amma!!

Love me, Love me not!

The other day, my son asked me, “Do you love me every day?” I said yes. to which he further asks me "Do you still love me when I eat slow? This was a tricky question and I was at a loss of words. The answer is in the affirmative, of course. But having said that, I don’t want him to the wrong idea. This is not only very confusing for a four year old but complex even for us, as we introspect. Can we honestly say that we still love them just as much when they throw a tantrum in the store, or act stubborn with a friend’s toy they want to take home as their own even when you always buy them whatever they ask for, or refuse to finish their food day in day out? Parents cannot be lovey-dovey all the time and kids should be aware that their actions would have consequences. At the same time, as much as you want your kids to please you, you don’t want to them feel that your love is conditional on good behavior. Hmmm…..something to ponder over!

Today I read an adorable book called ‘All the things I love about you’ by LeUyem Phan who dedicates the book to all the mamas who love their little boys. A mother fondly recalls all the things she loves about her little one – the way his hair is all messed up as he wakes up in the morning; the way he looks with his pajamas on and the challenge of getting him out of them before bath; the way he lovingly calls for his mama, during the day and also in the middle of the night, when she wishes he hollers for his papa instead!:-) She loves when at one moment he is holding her hand and in the next letting loose leaving her to frantically run behind him to avoid any unpleasant surprises. She loves to watch him grow each day and also watch him learn something new and dangerous adding to the list of “NOs”!

We want kids to be sure we still love them when they make mistakes but we also want them to realize when they are wrong. So Abhay, the answer to your question is - I love you even when you’re eating slow, but I would also love for you to finish your food!:-)

Love you forever

As you watch your baby grow and their terrible twos continue into terrible threes and then turn into fussy fours….your discipline measures also progress from almost non-existent to mild and then to fairly serious. Of course, punishment of your little one is not for the faint-hearted!! You do have your moments of weakness especially when you look at their innocent faces! (an expression that can give all child actors a run for their money!!) Once you’re done with the time-out followed by an apology, and you feel you deserve a pat on your back for not giving in…..you look at your sleeping child at night and you feel “What kind of a monster have I turned into”!!! Believe me, it’s the most horrible feeling in the world!!

Continuing my sentimental streak, I found a book that consoles every parent at such a moment – “Love you forever” by Robert Munsch and illustrated by Sheila Mcgraw. The cover page carries a picture of an adorable little boy who’s all set to throw his mommy’s watch into the toilet!! The book follows this boy into his pre-teens, teenage years, and finally as an adult. At whatever stage he’s at, for his mom, he’ll always be her baby!! The most poignant moment in the book comes at the end when this grown-up baby is seen holding his aged mommy and singing the same song back to her “ I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, As long as I’m living, my Mommy you’ll be”!! Not sure if your baby gets it, but sure to cause a lump in your throat!