Friday, February 4, 2011

Love me, Love me not!

The other day, my son asked me, “Do you love me every day?” I said yes. to which he further asks me "Do you still love me when I eat slow? This was a tricky question and I was at a loss of words. The answer is in the affirmative, of course. But having said that, I don’t want him to the wrong idea. This is not only very confusing for a four year old but complex even for us, as we introspect. Can we honestly say that we still love them just as much when they throw a tantrum in the store, or act stubborn with a friend’s toy they want to take home as their own even when you always buy them whatever they ask for, or refuse to finish their food day in day out? Parents cannot be lovey-dovey all the time and kids should be aware that their actions would have consequences. At the same time, as much as you want your kids to please you, you don’t want to them feel that your love is conditional on good behavior. Hmmm…..something to ponder over!
Today I read an adorable book called ‘All the things I love about you’ by LeUyem Phan who dedicates the book to all the mamas who love their little boys. A mother fondly recalls all the things she loves about her little one – the way his hair is all messed up as he wakes up in the morning; the way he looks with his pajamas on and the challenge of getting him out of them before bath; the way he lovingly calls for his mama, during the day and also in the middle of the night, when she wishes he hollers for his papa instead!:-) She loves when at one moment he is holding her hand and in the next letting loose leaving her to frantically run behind him to avoid any unpleasant surprises. She loves to watch him grow each day and also watch him learn something new and dangerous adding to the list of “NOs”!
We want kids to be sure we still love them when they make mistakes but we also want them to realize when they are wrong. So Abhay, the answer to your question is - I love you even when you’re eating slow, but I would also love for you to finish your food!:-)


  1. Sounds like lot of negotiation. May be kids nowadays are born with these skills. I don't remember asking these kind of questions when I was small. Or may be it's lawyer genes! See... he did inherit things from you :-) Happy?

  2. Divya,
    Iam happy that you are enjoying your parenthood.I have also seen you growing or matureing in to an adult parent.

  3. You will have to do a lot of answering for his tricky questions. Children these days are bolder, perhaps due to the kind of exposure they get. You have exposed Abhay to the varied kinds of books and situations and naturally he could be more analytical at times may be to your discomfort.
    It is growing up dear!