Too busy for Valentine's day?

Today’s date bears momentous significance for the diehard romantics, the youth, radio stations, television networks,  cards and gifts stores, flower shops, restaurants and retail stores in general. At the same time, it’s just another day for many, with offices to attend and schools to go to. For me personally, it was a bit of both – an awareness of what the day means without any time to mull over it! Back in the US, Valentine’s Day was and still is a day to celebrate love – be it maternal love, paternal love, love of a child towards her parents and other family members, friendship, and basically any relationship defined by love. But in India, Valentine’s day has come to mean only romantic love, the celebration of which can sometimes be overshadowed with your little one down with a throat infection, your husband swamped with back-to-back conference calls and you are nervous about an important matter in court. All this leaves you with little time or energy to buy roses that suddenly cost 30 bucks a piece!

Anyway, leaving Abhay under the care of my in-laws, we did manage to eat out at a noisy restaurant that probably had the whole of Bangalore South dining in! Since there was nothing for Abhay to do this Valentine's day, I decided to read to him a book on love - the only kind he is most familiar with...at least as of now! "Mama Do you Love me", by Barbara M Joose and Illustrated by Barbara Lavallee is a classic that Im surprised I havent read to my son till now. A little eskimo girl asks her mama if she loves her and how much and how long. When her mother claims that her love is more than that of a raven for his treasure  and that her love lasts until the stars turn to fish in the sky, the little girl wants to know more. She asks if her mother will still love her if she was careless ( drops the eggs she carries), or mischievous( puts salmon in her mom's clothes and footwear), or meddlesome (pours water into the lamp) or if she runs away and stays with the wolves or turns into an ox or a walrus or a polar bear and chases her mother into her tent? Her mother smiles as she replies that she may be sorry, surprised, or angry or scared - but underneath  it all, she would still be her little one, whom mama will always and forever love! Happy Valentine's day to everyone!

Circle of guilt!

When I was not working, every second mom I met was a working mother and now that I am working, every second mom I meet is a stay-at-home mom! I mean…..the grass is truly greener on the other side. I guess as women, there are no guilt free choices! When you opt out of work, you feel guilty for doing not justice to your education or your career aspirations; when you get back in circuit, you feel guilty about not being able to devote enough time to your little one – so guilt is your companion for life! In fact, ever since I’ve started work, I am yet to settle into a routine that allows me some time with Abhay. Of course, Abhay is not complaining as he is happy to have his paternal grandma pamper him on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday evenings and have his maternal grandma regal him with her stories on Thursday and Friday evenings! Even with this arrangement of shared babysitting, I can’t wait to get back home to my baby! I know that Abhay is in safe hands, but all said and done, it’s not me who is with him. But at the same time, I do enjoy my work and did feel relieved to find that not much has changed in since I left in 2008! J

Anyway, last morning I was a little harsh with Abhay as I was in a rush myself and could not afford to have him miss the bus or else I’d have to drop him myself ( as my husband was busy too). So after I saw him off, I couldn’t help but feel guilty about the way I had acted and the guilt seemed to haunt me the entire day at work. In fact, the guilt seemed more pronounced than usual as it wouldn’t be me receiving him as he got back in the evening! So at bedtime, I was comforted by a similar story of a mom in a hurry in “Don’t Forget I love you” by Miriam Moss and Anna Currey. When Billy wakes up in the morning, he begins to look for his soft toy ‘the rabbit” when his mom calls him for breakfast downstairs. Mom cant help getting impatient on seeing Billy’s tardy ways and asks him to hurry. But Billy being the ‘Abhay-type’, couldn’t care less and continues to play with his rabbit, and gets busy with dressing up rabbit instead of getting dressed himself. At last, much to mom’s relief, Billy manages to get ready and just when they are about to leave, he runs upstairs to have rabbit say good bye to his other toys. When they finally begin to walk to school, it starts to rain and Billy balancing rabbit and lunch box, drops his lunch. It’s clearly one of those mornings when everything seems to go  wrong. Billy’s angry mom gathers his lunch and grabs hold of his toy rabbit and leads the way. As it gets late for both Billy and his mom, they run the rest of the way to school. When Billy is dropped off to school, he is upset that his mom forgot to hand over rabbit and most importantly forgot to say “I love You”! Just when Billy starts to cry, missing his mom, the door flung open and in rushes his mom with rabbit in her hands that also give Billy his most awaited “I love you” hug!  So ….this book ends with a message that every mom wants to convey to her little one - even when mama is in a rush, don’t forget that she loves you very much! 

Abhay's working mom!

I’m all set to resume work from tomorrow and I find myself both nervous and excited at the same time. It is with a mixed feeling that I put on my black coat again, not sure if I still have it in me and not certain if I’ll still enjoy practicing law again, after a gap of three and half years! These three years have taught me that there is much more to life than your career, there is much more to parenting than routine responsibilities like feeding your kid, bathing him and putting him to sleep, and there is so much more to see in the world, if you take the time off to see it!!! Having said that, I’d be lying if I say that I didn’t feel the urge to get out of home and drive into something that resembled a workspace as opposed to driving to a park or a grocery store with my son! I’d be lying if I say that I wasn't exactly thrilled at having to introduce myself as a “stay at home mom”! I’d be lying if I say that I didn’t feel insecure looking at the Facebook profiles of some of my working friends!:-) As I try to understand whether this urge to work is driven by my insecurity or a genuine desire for a calling of my own, I also realized that this is as much a big change for me as it is for Abhay. It means that Abhay will not have his mom pick him up as he gets off his school bus, or his mom take him to the music class or the park, or have his mom hound him for freshening up or finishing his milk….and now as I write this …I’m not sure if he’ll miss his mom at all!!

Anyway, I wanted Abhay to understand what his mom was up to and went looking for a book on working mothers. Considering that many moms juggle between work and kids today, I had expected to see quite a few books on the same subject but my search yielded dismal results. After a lot of legwork and with a little help from my friend Deepa (another working mom), I found “Pepper and Mama’s new job” from the situational story series centered on a puppy named Pepper. It’s mom’s first day at work and she has arranged for Pepper to be dropped off at Little Angels Daycare center after school. Pepper initially protests but realizes that he has no choice as he cannot be left alone at home. Visibly upset, Pepper asks his mom as to why she needs to work (good question!) Pepper’s mom explains that mama likes to work just as he likes to go school. Anyway, when in school, Pepper confides in his friend Jean about having been enrolled into the Little Angels day care, Jean looks excited. Jean admits that it is the same day care that she goes to after school and as Pepper discovers, so do many of his friends who all have moms working as teachers, banking officials, architects, etc. When Pepper’s mom picks him up, she discovers that he had a great time after all and even looked forward to spending time in the day care when his mama is at work. Here’s hoping Abhay has the same experience too when his mama goes to work tomorrow!

Days and Nights with Frog and Toad!

My favorite activity with my five year old is to read to him or have him read to me. I believe reading to one’s kids is as important an activity as taking them to a park.  So whenever we get invited to a kid’s birthday party, guess what we gift the birthday boy or the girl – books of course! Similarly, when we visit a house with kids, we are probably the only guests who arrive with books instead of chocolates! So you can imagine my delight when we received books as parting gifts as when we bid goodbye to our friends in Portland. One such book we enjoy reading is the Arnold Lobel’s classic “The Adventures of Frog and Toad”! Many thanks to Keshav and Gauri  and their mom for picking up such a wonderful gift for their friend Abhay!!

It’s been almost six months since we were first introduced to Frog and Toad and the two best friends continue to make regular appearances at our bedtime story time!  First published in the 1970s, Lobel’s stories seem as contemporary as ever. As you meet Frog and Toad and follow them through their various adventures and misadventures, you realize that your son isn’t the only one begging for more! With over four volumes of Frog and Toad stories to choose from, Abhay has many favorites. My personal favorite is titled “Cookies” from the volume “Frog and Toad Together” is a story you’d love to read to your kid with a sweet tooth!  Abhay’s favorite  is “Tomorrow” from “Days with Frog and Toad” and you’ll know why. In this story, Toad wakes up to a messy house waiting to be cleaned up. Instead Toad pulls the covers over his head and declares that he’ll do it tomorrow and decides to take life easy today! When Frog peeps in to find Toad’s pants and jacket lying on the floor, kitchen sink filled with dirty dishes, dust on the chairs and plants that need watering, Toad seems to have only one answer “I’ll do it tomorrow”! Then all of a sudden, he realizes that if he takes life easy today, then tomorrow will most certainly be a hard day…with all the chores piled up. So he is curious to know - if he picks up his pants and jackets from the floor today, he wont have to do it tomorrow ..right?  Frog assures him that he does not have to do it again tomorrow.  So Toad brightens up and decides to bring his house in order and finishes all his work one by one so that he can save tomorrow for something he really wants to do. When Frog asks him what that is, Toad goes back to bed, slips into his sheets and says “Tomorrow I’ll take life easy!” Now that we’ve read it again….I know my little Toad will wake up the next day and say “I don’t want to go to school….I want to take life easy today!”

Morning Mania!

Once your kids start school, weekday mornings turn crazy! As it is, weekday mornings are a rush, but the added pressure of getting your little one ready just in time for the school bus leaves you exhausted even before you’ve begun your day! Of course, with schools situated at distances that you dread having to drive yourself, you cannot afford to have your kids miss the school bus! So mornings are always a struggle - when your threshold is running low and your little one launches a go-slow; when every minute counts as your tension mounts; when you don the role of a motivational speaker to get your little dreamer to hurry when you are in a hurry too! Mornings are no different in our house where the morning raaga played is a fusion of Abhay’s whining and my nagging…yelling…..pleading (in that same order!). Finally it feels as if the whole house heaves a sigh of relief as Abhay reaches his pick up in the nick of time to catch his school bus!  

So today we read about another family who might just miss the bus when it pulls up at their doorstep. “Catch the Bus” a Level 2 Early Reader Berenstain Bears story that doubles up as a Tell the time story. Its 6.59 AM and all is still at the Berenstain Bear’s tree house and Brother and Sister Bear are seen fast asleep in their room. At 7.00 AM as the alarm goes off, both the bear cubs decide to snooze on and are soon back to sleep. At 7.15 AM, the school bus starts off to pick up the cubs one by one. The school bus is on its way to pick up Brother and Sister who are  sound asleep in their beds. At 7.45 AM, Mother bear worries that her cubs will miss the bus if they don’t hurry. At 7.50 AM, the cubs are woken up by an angry mother who rushes them through their morning routine of wash and dress, comb and brush and breakfast in a hurry …and off they scurry to catch their bus just in time as it arrives at 8 0’clock! The story ends with a verse that echos my sentiments in the morning - "If you sleep past seven, you might be late when the school bus comes for you at eight!"