Sunday, February 12, 2012

Circle of guilt!

When I was not working, every second mom I met was a working mother and now that I am working, every second mom I meet is a stay-at-home mom! I mean…..the grass is truly greener on the other side. I guess as women, there are no guilt free choices! When you opt out of work, you feel guilty for doing not justice to your education or your career aspirations; when you get back in circuit, you feel guilty about not being able to devote enough time to your little one – so guilt is your companion for life! In fact, ever since I’ve started work, I am yet to settle into a routine that allows me some time with Abhay. Of course, Abhay is not complaining as he is happy to have his paternal grandma pamper him on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday evenings and have his maternal grandma regal him with her stories on Thursday and Friday evenings! Even with this arrangement of shared babysitting, I can’t wait to get back home to my baby! I know that Abhay is in safe hands, but all said and done, it’s not me who is with him. But at the same time, I do enjoy my work and did feel relieved to find that not much has changed in since I left in 2008! J

Anyway, last morning I was a little harsh with Abhay as I was in a rush myself and could not afford to have him miss the bus or else I’d have to drop him myself ( as my husband was busy too). So after I saw him off, I couldn’t help but feel guilty about the way I had acted and the guilt seemed to haunt me the entire day at work. In fact, the guilt seemed more pronounced than usual as it wouldn’t be me receiving him as he got back in the evening! So at bedtime, I was comforted by a similar story of a mom in a hurry in “Don’t Forget I love you” by Miriam Moss and Anna Currey. When Billy wakes up in the morning, he begins to look for his soft toy ‘the rabbit” when his mom calls him for breakfast downstairs. Mom cant help getting impatient on seeing Billy’s tardy ways and asks him to hurry. But Billy being the ‘Abhay-type’, couldn’t care less and continues to play with his rabbit, and gets busy with dressing up rabbit instead of getting dressed himself. At last, much to mom’s relief, Billy manages to get ready and just when they are about to leave, he runs upstairs to have rabbit say good bye to his other toys. When they finally begin to walk to school, it starts to rain and Billy balancing rabbit and lunch box, drops his lunch. It’s clearly one of those mornings when everything seems to go  wrong. Billy’s angry mom gathers his lunch and grabs hold of his toy rabbit and leads the way. As it gets late for both Billy and his mom, they run the rest of the way to school. When Billy is dropped off to school, he is upset that his mom forgot to hand over rabbit and most importantly forgot to say “I love You”! Just when Billy starts to cry, missing his mom, the door flung open and in rushes his mom with rabbit in her hands that also give Billy his most awaited “I love you” hug!  So ….this book ends with a message that every mom wants to convey to her little one - even when mama is in a rush, don’t forget that she loves you very much! 

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